


Fragile

by noelleleithe



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 18:24:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noelleleithe/pseuds/noelleleithe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A heart's a fragile thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fragile

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: Parallels show canon through early June 2010 and then goes slightly AU. Primarily, Noah never punched Reid or fired him as his doctor. Most other canon events occur, but not necessarily in the order they did onscreen. Note that there are no trains in this universe.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything here except my own words. No copyright infringement is intended.

~~~~  
Prologue  
~~~~

A heart's a fragile thing. Muscle and membrane, beating full and true, rich and warm with blood. So solid. So strong.

So easy to break.

~~~~

Luke thought he knew heartbreak. He'd felt it in his chest over and over, keening pain, overwhelming his body and mind. He'd let it drive him to a bottle more times than he could count, let it drive him to other men, even.

He didn't know a damn thing.

He stumbled on the truth in the alley behind Java early one morning. He'd had trouble sleeping, a rainy night failing to soothe his mind, and he'd gone out for a walk in the early morning damp. Gray clouds scudded overhead, echoing his mood, and he'd gotten chilled despite the late summer warmth.

Oakdale was home, familiar to him as the lines crisscrossing his palms, and he took a shortcut, headed to Java for something to warm him up. He rounded the corner into the alley and pulled to a stop at the sight of a familiar form sitting on the stoop outside the coffee shop's back door.

Noah.

At first glance, he seemed perfectly Noah-ish, wearing an unwrinkled green t-shirt and loosely fitting jeans, hair neat, the picture of a conscientious employee.

Who sat doubled over, arms wrapped around his stomach, as if he was in so much pain that he couldn't move.

Luke didn't even hesitate. He'd meant what he'd said many times before: even though they weren't together, Noah would always be important to him, and he wouldn't walk away without finding out if he was okay. Was he sick? Did he need help?

He was two steps away when Noah's head popped up and Luke saw his eyes.

Agony. It was the only word that could adequately describe the look in Noah's eyes. His face was clear, he wasn't crying, he wasn't making a sound, but his eyes screamed.

The silent noise stopped Luke in his tracks. It cut through him like razor blades, leaving him ragged and stealing his breath. It destroyed every one of the careful defenses he'd built up over the past few months, designed to keep the part of his heart and mind and soul that would always belong to Noah Mayer safe but separate from the rest of his life.

Just like that, nothing was safe any more.

~~~~

Noah didn't see the other person at first. Lost in his mind, fighting the most powerful surge of despair he'd faced in weeks, he only knew someone else was in the alley with him.

He'd been fine the first hour of his shift, serving customers and joking with co-workers, and later he wouldn't even remember what set him off. He just remembered saying he needed a few minutes and walking blindly out the back door, falling onto the stoop in the alley, trying not to fall apart completely. He'd almost won the battle when he heard footsteps, and by the time he focused enough to realize who was, Luke had pulled him to his feet and spun him around, shoving him against the wall.

Luke fell against him, his hands grabbing for Noah's face, and his mouth came down hard on Noah's. Noah's mind jolted once, then went blissfully, mercifully blank of everything except Luke.

Luke, _oh god_ , Luke was kissing him, lips sucking his tongue, teeth scraping his bottom lip, rough and hot and perfect, the full length of his body pressing Noah into the rough brick. Noah moaned, hands clutching at Luke's hips, pulling him in tighter, and their hips ground together on instinct, Luke's hard cock rubbing against his through layers of denim and cotton. Luke's leg slid between Noah's, strong thigh hitting just the right angle, demanding everything, driving Noah insane.

He couldn't breathe, his world spinning, spinning, spinning, and everything inside him uncoiled at once, his head falling back against the wall as his orgasm hit him like a freight train.

"Fuck, _Reid_."

The cold hit him almost before the words left his mouth. He couldn't stop his climax, already sending shockwaves through him, but there was no answering reaction from Luke, no gentle comedown, not even time for the shivering aftereffects to stop wracking his body.

He pried his eyes open to find Luke leaning against the wall opposite him, eyes staring wide, trembling hands held out in front of him, head shaking, trying to deny what he'd just heard.

Noah's heart, its cracks so recently beginning to heal, shattered once again.

He didn't know until later that it took Luke's right along with it.

~~~~

 _Four weeks earlier_

Reid had no idea why Noah was taking his shirt off.

In truth, he didn't even know why Noah had an appointment at all. He wasn't due for another post-surgical checkup for a couple of weeks. But he'd turned up on the schedule, and now Reid stood outside the examination room, where the blinds on the small window had shifted just far enough for him to see the long, bare line of Noah's back as he stripped off his shirt.

Unlike his patient, Reid had never had any problems with his eyesight whatsoever. He also wasn't stupid. Noah Mayer was, objectively speaking, a good-looking man. His body was lean and fit, his face handsome, and his eyes particularly blue, something Reid had had plenty of opportunity to assess, with all the time he'd spent examining them. Reid knew, logically, that Noah was attractive.

That didn't mean Reid was _attracted_ to Noah. He wasn't _interested_ in him. As much as he'd fought it, as many headaches as it had caused him, he was attracted to Luke Snyder. He was in a relationship with Luke Snyder.

None of that explained why he was standing in the hallway getting hard as he watched Noah Mayer undress.

Noah stripped to his boxers before slipping on the hospital gown that had been lying on the examining table and then pushing himself onto the table to sit. Reid still had no idea why the change of clothes, but he shook himself out of his fugue, took two deep breaths to calm his body, and pushed through the door.

"So, Mr. Mayer," he said, eyes on the chart he held and not on his patient. "What brings you in today?"

"I've been having headaches," Noah said, shifting uncomfortably on the table. "Pretty bad ones, and Tylenol barely makes a dent. I know I'm not supposed to take anything else for a while because of the blood thinning thing."

Reid lifted his eyes to meet Noah's for just a second. "No, you aren't," he said. "You haven't, have you?"

Noah shook his head immediately. "No, nothing," he said. "No aspirin or Advil or anything, and I haven't had anything with alcohol in it since, um, since before the accident, actually."

Reid nodded, noting that. "Any other symptoms?"

"Well." Noah paused, and Reid was just about to tell him to spit it out when he continued. "With a couple of the headaches in the past few days I've had kind of ... blackouts? Not exactly. I mean, I don't pass out or anything, but it's like I miss something. Like everything around me jumps ahead a little."

He had Reid's full attention now. "Do you have a blank spot in your memory, like," he almost smiled, "a piece of film that's been erased? Or is it like that time just disappears without a gap?"

Noah bit his lip. "There's no gap," he said. "It's just, like ... like the film's been cut and spliced together." He shifted again. "The nurse said I might need a CAT scan, so she told me to put this on." He half-smiled. "I really could've done without wearing one of these ever again."

Reid deliberately ignored Noah's reference to the hospital gown, which only made Reid think of smooth skin over sculpted muscle and other things he really shouldn't be dwelling on. He made another note and straightened up, sliding his pen into his pocket and setting Noah's chart on the counter by the sink. "Okay, let's do an exam and neuro check," he said. "You know the drill, we did a couple of these after your surgery."

Noah nodded as Reid started the usual physical examination, checking Noah's heart rate, breathing, eyes, nose, mouth. He tried to ignore the way his skin tingled whenever he got within a few inches of Noah, or how it burned wherever he touched. He'd never thought of Noah this way before; why the hell did one little look at him undressing suddenly bring all of this to the surface?

He pulled out his penlight, checking the reactions of Noah's eyes, noticing again what a clear, deep shade of blue they were. He ran through the usual balance and reflex tests, feeling strong muscles flex and contract under the smooth skin against his hands.

By the time he finished, he was half-hard again and headed up from there. He turned toward the chart, his back to Noah, and made more notes, taking deep breaths and willing his body to calm the hell down. Not only was Noah his patient, he was Luke's ex-boyfriend, and that was so many layers of entanglement Reid didn't even want to consider it.

Notes finished, hormones in check, he turned back to Noah. "Let's get that CT," he said. "Sorry, but I'll need to send someone with a wheelchair for you. No walking into nuclear imaging."

Noah nodded. "Okay," he said, offering a small smile. Reid felt himself return it automatically before he spun on his heel and stalked out of the room, dropping Noah's chart in the slot just outside the door.

 _Jesus_ , he thought, shaking his head as he walked toward the cafeteria. _What_ is _it with this town?_

~~~~

Something weird was going on with Dr. Oliver.

Noah didn't know what it was, but he pondered all the way to his CT and back. He also didn't really know why it mattered to him, until he realized it came down to Luke. He shouldn't have been surprised. Everything in his life came down to Luke, even now, when Luke was with Reid.

Noah smiled a little to himself as the machine took pictures of his brain. Funny how he thought of Reid Oliver as two completely separate people. Three, really: the arrogant-but-brilliant surgeon who'd restored his eyesight, the asshole who stole his boyfriend right in front of his nose while he couldn't see what was happening, and the nice, funny guy he'd seen glimpses of here and there. He had to believe Luke had seen even more of the nice guy part, because why else would he have any interest in Reid at all?

The three of them reached a sort of detente in the nearly two months since that ill-fated trip to Yo's. Luke and Noah had slowly, haltingly rebuilt a friendship, sometimes marred by awkward moments but, for the most part, without rancor. They didn't see much of each other, but they'd made it to the point that when they did, they could talk without fighting. Usually.

With Reid, things were tougher. Noah had come very, very close to firing his doctor when he found out what had been going on. Hell, he'd come nearly as close to punching the guy's lights out. But that wouldn't have done any of them any good, and Noah knew that Reid had never treated him any differently as a patient, even when he clearly thought Noah had behaved like an idiot.

Begrudgingly, Noah admitted to himself that he couldn't really argue that point anyway.

In the end, only Reid knew Noah's case well enough, and after everything he'd gone through, everything he'd lost, he wasn't going to take any risks with his eyesight. The only thing worse than ending up blind again would be ending up blind again and still not having Luke.

The orderly rolled Noah back to the examining room, and as they passed an open doorway, Noah caught a glimpse of Reid biting into a sandwich. He lifted a hand in a quick wave, and within another couple of minutes, Reid had caught up with them, just as they were approaching their destination.

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt your lunch," Noah said, pushing himself out of the chair and moving to the exam table.

Reid shrugged. "I'm getting used to it," he said. "Can't seem to get through a meal in this town without an interruption."

He stepped closer, moving to one side of the table, toward the top end. "Scoot up on the table," he said, waving his hand in that direction. "About halfway. So if you laid down, your head would hang off the end."

Noah complied, and flinched when Reid laid his hands on either side of him, one on his upper chest, one in the middle of his back. "I'm going to tilt your head to one side and lay you back quickly, then check your eye movements," he said. "And then I'll do the same with the other side. This may tell me if you have a certain kind of vertigo."

Noah nodded, trying to ignore the feeling of Reid's hands on him. He had strong hands, steady and sure, which shouldn't be surprising considering his profession. They were also warm, and big, and Noah bit his lip, cutting that thought off at the pass. _He's your doctor, dammit_ , he told himself. _And more important, he's Luke's boyfriend. Keep your libido in check._

Reid's hands tightened. "Okay, turn your head away me, about forty-five degrees." Noah complied, and suddenly he was tilting back, all the way down to the table, his head hanging slightly over the edge, as Reid had said. Reid bent over him, looking into his eyes, and Noah almost blinked before he realized Reid was looking _at_ his eyes, not _into_ them.

Seemingly satisfied, Reid pushed at Noah's back. "Okay, you can sit back up." Once Noah was upright again, Reid braced his hands again. "Now turn your head toward me."

Noah did, and almost flinched again when he realized how close their faces were. His gaze flicked up to meet Reid's, and they stared at each other for a few long seconds. Involuntarily, Noah's gaze dropped to Reid's mouth, just inches away, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Reid's adam's apple move as he swallowed.

Then Noah was tilting back again, and Reid was staring at his eyes again, and Noah had no idea what was happening between them, it was stupid and wrong, but he couldn't think about it too closely because he was hard and Reid was still touching him, and he lifted one hand to grasp the back of Reid's neck and pull him into a kiss.

~~~~

Luke tapped his fork against the side of his glass, one leg bouncing under the table. He glanced at his phone again where it sat on the table in front of him: five-fifteen, and still no Reid. They were supposed to meet for an early dinner, at five, and not once had Reid not been on time for any kind of meeting Luke had been involved with. In particular, he was never late for a meal.

Luke waved off the server again, feeling bad about it, but his stomach was in too many knots for him to do anything but sip at his water until Reid arrived.

He'd run into Noah the day before. Luke had been avoiding Java in the week and a half since Noah got his job back, but yesterday his need for a decent latte had outweighed the potential discomfort and he stopped by. Noah was polite and professional, just a little more friendly than average, but the look in his eyes had made Luke's heart hurt so much he could barely stand to drink his coffee, which was perfect, even made with the extra shot of vanilla Noah knew he favored. At no extra charge, of course.

Luke set down the fork and took a swallow of water. It burned his throat all the way down. He tried to redirect his thoughts away from the rabbit hole they always seemed to fall down when he spent much time alone, a well of memories so deep and rich and full he could drown in them.

 _It's over_ , he told himself for what felt like the millionth time. _Noah didn't want you any more. Reid does. Move the hell on already._

He never did listen all that well.

"Hey."

Luke looked up to see Reid sliding into the seat across from him. "Sorry I'm late, got caught up with a case," he said, menu already in hand. "I'm starving."

Luke had to smile a little. "You're always starving," he said, picking up his own menu even though he pretty much had it memorized by now. "You sure you don't have a tapeworm or something? Because I don't know where you put all that food."

"Hollow leg," Reid replied absently, eyes darting across the menu, as if he wasn't really seeing it.

Luke frowned. Reid looked ... flustered. That was the only word Luke could come up with. His shirt was a little askew, and there was a piece of hair sticking out a little at one side.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked. Reid's gaze snapped to meet his, and Luke leaned forward a little. "Is something wrong?"

Reid stilled, then seemed to gather himself, letting out a long breath. "Just frustrated," he said, shrugging, nonchalant. He buried his face back into the menu. "Usual ridiculousness at the hospital. I swear, don't those people know they have jobs to do? Incompetence."

Luke wasn't quite buying the deflection, even though griping about the hospital staff was totally in character for Reid. Something else was going on, but Luke tried to put it out of his mind. It wasn't like he didn't have his own wandering thoughts to deal with.

Orders placed, Luke leaned forward, folding his arms on the table. "So, my dad's getting remarried next week," he said.

"Oh?" Reid sipped his water. "To your mom, or someone else?"

"Molly," Luke said. "Something weird's going on there, though. I don't know. Something weird always seems to be going on with my family." He smiled. "My sister Abigail's coming for the wedding, though."

Reid shifted in his seat, a sure sign he was bored as hell with the conversation, but Luke gave him credit for not backing down. "Another sister? How many do you have anyway?"

Luke chuckled. "Well, Abby's really Dad and Molly's daughter," he said. "So she's my adopted sister. Half-sister. Anyway, I haven't seen her in a few years. She lives in LA. It'll be good to see her."

Their food arrived before he could get any further, and Reid busied himself with straightening his club sandwich and pouring out ketchup for his fries. Luke watched as Reid picked up one of the triangles of sandwich and took a big bite, all his attention focused on his food.

"You know, sometimes I think the only real relationship in your life is you and food," Luke said, grinning as he finished dressing his burger. "Nothing else seems to give you as much enjoyment."

Reid shrugged and swallowed. "Food's good," he said. "I like it." He smirked. "Plus it's hard to insult people with my mouth full, so you should be happy about that."

He took another big bite, and Luke followed suit with his burger. They traded glances over the table as they ate, Reid lifting one eyebrow over a deadpan expression, which made Luke snicker.

"You practice that look in the mirror, don't you?" he accused through a smile, brushing salt from his fries off his fingers. "Like a staring contest, let's see who can keep from showing emotion the longest." He leaned forward and switched to a loud whisper. "Too bad I can see right through that."

"Really." Reid's voice was flat, but his eyes were on fire. "What am I thinking right now?"

Luke's lips parted slowly, and his eyes dipped to Reid's mouth. Before he could speak, though, Reid's beeper sounded, and he rolled his eyes as he reached for it.

"Figures," he grumbled as he checked the display. "Just as things were getting interesting. Again."

Luke smirked, but it fell away as Reid shoved the beeper back onto his belt and pushed his plate away. "Emergency at the hospital," he explained, picking up the third quarter of his sandwich in one hand and a napkin in the other. "Sorry."

Luke sat back, resigned, and waved a hand. "No, no, duty calls," he said nodding. "Just ... give me a call later, maybe?"

Reid bit into the sandwich while nodding. "See you," he said around the bite, striding toward the door and out of the diner.

Luke crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling. "And dating a doctor's supposed to be glamorous or something," he murmured. He tried not to be resentful. Reid had an important job and helped a lot of people. He'd be an asshole to begrudge any of that.

Still, a small part of him couldn't help but remember all the times Noah had put him ahead of work, instead of the other way around.

~~~~~

Ali couldn't remember being this tired in a long, long time. She never should've agreed to babysit Jacob last night, not with a twelve-hour shift ahead of her. Of course, she didn't know she'd end up staying an extra hour when a multivehicle accident during rush hour flooded the ER with injured.

Her feet literally dragged the floor as she pushed into the apartment, feeling wrung out like a wet washcloth, helped along by the steady drizzle falling outside that left everything damp. Her gaze landed on Noah, who sat ensconced at one end of the sofa, lights off, one of his black-and-white films playing. Ali glanced over and recognized it as one she hadn't seen herself but that Noah had watched at least once a week since he got his sight back. It seemed to be a comfort film for him.

"Hey." Noah had paused the DVD and sent her a half smile, then frowned as he looked closer. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Ali said, dropping her keys and purse on table next to the door. "Just so exhausted I can barely move."

She shuffled over the few feet to the sofa and plopped down on the end opposite Noah. She groaned. "This was a bad idea," she said. "I may never get up from here."

Noah chuckled. "Have you had dinner?" he asked. "I'd be glad to fix you something."

Ali smiled and tilted her head to look at her roommate's face. "You are just too good to be true, Noah Mayer," she said. "And yeah, that would be great. Heck, a bowl of cereal would be great."

Noah blushed and turned his head away from her as she spoke, just as she expected. He never could take a compliment, even a teasing one. But he was pushing to his feet and heading toward the kitchen, so she let it drop.

"I think I can at least manage a turkey sandwich," Noah said, raising his voice a little as he rounded the corner into the next room. "Bad day? Or just long?"

"Little of both." Ali kicked off her shoes and turned sideways, curling her legs onto the cushions. "It was mostly quiet until around five. Four-car accident with injuries. Nothing too serious, thank goodness, but there was an SUV and a minivan involved, so there were lots of people to check out. Including some kids. It was all hands on deck for a while."

"Ouch." Ali heard the refrigerator door opening and closing, followed by the sound of crinkling plastic. "Glad everyone was okay," Noah said. "Anyone we know?"

Ali smiled a little. "No, surprisingly," she said. "Well, I've seen a couple of people around, but the main two cars were just passing through. I don't know exactly what happened, but it was right after it started raining, so probably slick pavement or something."

A rustling sound caught her attention, and she looked over her shoulder to see Noah walking toward her, a plate in one hand and a can in the other. He grinned and held both out. "Turkey sandwich, mayo and mustard, no cheese, and a Diet Coke."

She took both with a grateful smile, biting back her first instinct, which was to comment (again) on how stupid Luke Snyder was to let this man get away. The first time she'd said something like that offhandedly, Noah had shut down and shut himself away in his room, refusing to even listen to an apology. She'd carefully avoided the subject of Luke ever since, unless Noah brought him up, which he almost never did.

She swallowed the first bite of her sandwich as Noah settled back onto the sofa and reached for the remote. "You're not eating?"

Noah shrugged. "Already ate," he said, unconvincingly. Noah's appetite had seemed to fade away over the past month and a half, and it was starting to show on his already slim frame. Ali frowned but kept her mouth shut. Noah was a field of landmines at the moment, so she'd keep her silence. For now. But she wasn't going to let him hurt himself, no matter how much he might want to.

Noah had restarted the film, and Ali half watched as she ate. She still didn't recognize the film, although she did know a couple of the faces, but a few minutes told her that the main character was an alcoholic in a desperate search for his next drink. A chill ran down her spine.

This wasn't a feel-good flick for Noah, was it?

"You know, the circle is the perfect geometric figure," the character onscreen was saying. "No end, no beginning."

Ali looked at Noah, flickering light bouncing off his chiseled features, but he didn't seem to be seeing the film. His eyes were blank. Dead.

The last bite of Ali's sandwich turned dry in her mouth.

~~~~

Reid blew out a breath before he walked into the room. No more of what happened when Noah was there two days earlier. No more making out on the exam table like two teenagers, until both of them realized almost simultaneously what they were doing and broke apart.

He couldn't help but be relieved that at least Noah should be fully clothed this time.

 _All business_ , Reid reminded himself, pushing the door open and stepping inside.

"Okay, Mr. Mayer, I have your CT results here, and it looks like everything's clear—"

He made the mistake of looking at Noah, who was standing next to the wall to one side of the exam table, as if he were scared to get too close to the scene of their previous encounter. Their gazes locked, and before Reid even registered moving, he'd tossed the chart aside and had both hands wrapped around Noah's face, kissing him hard.

Noah gave as good as he got, strong hands sliding up Reid's back to grip his hair, pulling a little. The flash of pain should have knocked Reid out of his stupor, but instead it made him hard as a rock in under a second, so fast it pushed a moan out of him and into Noah's mouth. Noah answered him, shoving his hips into Reid's, and Reid dropped one hand to Noah's ass, pulling them tightly together, never letting up on the kiss.

Noah moaned again, and Reid smiled a little. So he liked aggressive? Well, Reid could show him aggressive.

Reid pulled back, but just long enough grab Noah's hands and yank them back against the wall on either side of his head. Noah's eyes widened, the clear blue gone ink-dark with arousal, and Reid dropped the full length of his body against Noah's and slammed his mouth back onto Noah's. Their cocks lined up, just the denim of Noah's jeans and the thin cotton of Reid's scrubs between them, and Reid thrust his hips, grinding, driving them both closer and closer to the edge.

A part of him knew just how wrong this was, and on so many levels. But the rest of him didn't care. It felt good, Noah was an amazing kisser, and neither of them had any major commitment to anyone else. Not like he cared about the ethics of it all that much, either.

Noah moaned again, a deep, rasping sound, and Reid kissed him again, drilling his tongue deep, fingers tightening around Noah's wrists. Noah trembled under him, still kissing him back just as desperately, his hips moving, sliding their bodies together harder and faster.

When Noah broke, he ripped his mouth away from Reid's and sucked in a breath so hard that Reid thought he would choke. He moaned and shook, and Reid held still, pressing down hard, feeling the wetness seep through his pants. When Noah finally let out his breath, Reid shifted back into motion, grinding hard for another moment or two until his own climax hit.

~~~~

Five minutes later, Reid and Noah stood on opposite sides of the room, each cleaning up with a wad of tissues pulled from the box on the counter. Noah couldn't believe what had just happened. It was good, damn good, but holy _shit_ , how many layers of wrong could they cram into so little time?

Reid was with Luke, and he'd just cheated on him, but he'd done it with Noah, so Noah couldn't even blame him, because he'd helped. Hell, he'd encouraged it. He couldn't pretend he wasn't just as into it as Reid.

But seriously, did it have to be _Reid_? Of all people?

Finished wiping off the evidence of what they'd just done, Noah tossed the wad of tissue into the biohazard bin and refastened his jeans and belt. The cotton of his boxer-briefs was still damp, but nothing could be done about that.

Reid cleared his throat, and Noah braced himself before turning around. Reid had picked up Noah's chart and his face was a blank mask. He didn't quite looked Noah in the eye as he opened his mouth to say something, when his cell phone rang.

Both of them let out loud breaths, and Reid grumbled something about infernal interruptions as he checked the display, then frowned. Turning away from Noah, he answered, "Katie? Everything okay?"

Noah watched him. His back was tense, but his face softened as he listened to Katie, like he actually cared what she was saying. Noah had suspected there was an actual heart under all that arrogant bravado, and every now and then he'd get a glimpse of something that seemed to bear that out.

"I'll be ready," Reid said before ending the call. He glanced back at Noah. "Mr. Mayer, all your tests came back fine. It's probably migraine, that's sometimes a sequela after your head gets cut open. Next time you have an episode, come in or call and we'll see if we can get an exam while it's going on to rule out anything more serious."

Noah opened his mouth to say _thanks_ , or _what the fuck was that?_ , or something else, he wasn't really sure what, but by then Reid had yanked the door open and was gone.

Noah sighed, rubbing one hand across his forehead, and headed for the door as well.

~~~~

Ali smiled as she walked into Java and saw Noah behind the counter. She knew it was selfish of her, but she'd missed his friendly smile and happy greetings in the months when he was blind. The other baristas were just fine, but having a friend there made a big difference.

Noah glanced up, looking distracted, but after a moment he smiled. "Hey, Ali," he said. "What can I get for you?"

"Skinny vanilla latte to go?" Ali leaned on the counter, grinning as Noah flipped up a cup and started on her coffee. "Having a good day?"

Noah flushed, focusing his attention on the cup in front of him. "Yeah, sure," he mumbled. "It's been fine."

Ali frowned. That wasn't Noah being fine. "Hey, you okay?" She paused. "Oh, wait, you had your follow-up with Dr. Oliver this morning! You didn't get bad news did you?"

Noah shook his head as he steamed her milk, his cheeks still red, still not looking at Ali. "No, it's fine, he said it's probably migraines. Can happen after surgery like that. I'm supposed to call or go in if I have another one."

That wasn't all, Ali could tell, but she let it drop. For now. "Well, that's good," she said. "No medication or anything?"

Noah took a deep breath and shook his head again as he finished her coffee and set the lid on top. "No, it's fine." He finally looked her in the eye as he held out her cup, but he'd hidden his emotions carefully away, and it made Ali's heart sink. She'd known him long enough to recognize that look for the defense mechanism it was.

She smiled anyway as she took the cup and handed over the money for it. "Keep the change," she said. "Gotta keep my favorite barista happy with me!"

Noah smirked in response, seeming to relax a little. "Or you're bribing your roommate," he said. "No, I'm not trading turns on emptying the dishwasher again. You know I hate it just as much as you do. Luke always used to argue—"

He broke off, face reddening again, and Ali reached out impulsively to grab his hand. "Hey, it's okay," she said softly. "It's okay to talk about it, you know. Even if it's hard."

Noah pulled away, not harshly, but quickly. "I'm fine," he said, voice firm. "I need to get back to work."

The café was almost deserted, but Ali wasn't about to push it now. She gave Noah another smile instead. "See you tonight?"

Noah nodded, reaching for the damp rag under the counter and wiping up the few drops of milk that had escaped while he was making her drink. "Have a good day."

She wouldn't, not when she couldn't help worrying about Noah. But Noah didn't need to know that. He had enough to deal with already.

~~~~

Reid sighed as he walked into the examination room, where Chris was arguing with Katie, the two of them so involved that they didn't even seem to notice Reid's arrival.

"Katie, really, I'm fine," Chris insisted. "It's probably just acid reflux. I've been having that off and on for a while now."

"You're not fine," Katie interrupted. "Acid reflux doesn't make you pass out."

Reid frowned. "What's going on here?"

Katie and Chris both looked at him. "It's nothing," Chris said, unconvincingly to Reid's ears. "I just had a little problem at the cabin and Katie's overreacting."

"You passed out on the floor, Chris!" Katie turned to Reid. "Would you see if you can knock some sense into his hard head? He didn't even want me to bring him in to get checked out."

Reid waved toward the door. "Okay, but you'd better wait outside," he said. "Doesn't look like I'm going to get any straight answers out of him with you in here."

Katie opened her mouth, to protest, Reid was sure, but he stared her down, and her mouth popped back shut. She brushed past him and into the hall without a word.

Reid turned his attention, reluctantly, back to Chris. "What's up now, Doogie?"

Chris sighed. "Would you stop calling me that already? It got old a good ten years ago. Or about the third time you said it."

"Whatever you say, Doogie." He waved toward the exam table. "Just get up there so I can examine you and get us both out of here faster."

Chris rolled his eyes as he climbed onto the table. "I told you, I'm fine."

"Yeah, I've heard that one before." Reid set his stethoscope against Chris's chest. "Breathe deeply, you know the drill."

Chris sighed but obeyed, staying silent as Reid worked, following his brief instructions to the letter. Reid finished, slipping his stethoscope back into the pocket of his coat and reaching for Chris's hands. Chris yanked them back immediately, and Reid sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not trying anything, Hughes," he said. "I'm checking your fingernails. Because your heartbeat is irregular, you apparently passed out, and I need to be sure you're not turning blue around the edges."

Slowly, Chris held out his hands, palms down, and Reid gripped both, lifting them slightly and bending down so he could see clearly. No blue, but not enough pink, either. He'd bet Chris's oxygen sats were down.

Chris's fingers tightened against Reid's, and he looked up, surprised, to find Chris looking at him. And it took him back ten years in a second, when they were younger and foolish and did things that—

The door opened behind Reid, and he dropped Chris's hands immediately, whirling to see Alison leaning in. "Oh, sorry, I thought this room was empty," she said, looking back and forth between Reid and Chris. Only then did Reid realize how close he was standing to Chris. He must've taken a step forward without realizing it.

He backed away and to the side. "Yes, I was just about to come look for a nurse," he said. "Dr. Hughes needs to have some bloodwork done. I'll write the order right now."

Reid stalked out to fill out the infernal paperwork. God, what the hell was going on with him? First Noah, now Chris? His libido could quit working overtime any time now.

~~~~

Noah heard Ali come in the front door from where he sat on the edge of his bed and tried to tamp down his guilt. He knew he'd been short with her earlier, but he couldn't seem to help himself. Between Luke and Reid, his mind wouldn't seem to stop spinning.

He was in love with Luke. He'd never stopped loving Luke for so much as a second, no matter what happened, no matter what either of them did. Yes, he'd been angry, but at everyone and everything. Luke was included in that only because he fell into the "everyone" category, not in any specific way. Somehow, though, trying to figure out how to make Luke understand that seemed to be beyond Noah's capabilities.

And then there was Reid. The anger there had been specific, but it left Noah torn. Luke had coerced Reid into coming to Oakdale on Noah's behalf, to help Noah. He should owe Reid everything, but Reid had taken it all away. And now this … thing with them, this sudden attraction or desperation or whatever it was—Noah didn't know what to do with it. He couldn't process it. It was like his emotions were spurting out at random times without his control, and he couldn't even think clearly enough to try to stop them.

He looked up as Ali knocked lightly on the doorframe. "Hey," she said, her tone careful, a cautious half smile on her face. "You hungry? I was going to make some spaghetti. Had a craving."

Noah nodded. "That'd be great," he said. "Um, Ali, look, I'm sorry—"

She waved a hand. "It's okay," she said. "I know things are tough right now. I know you didn't mean anything by it."

Noah bit his lip, tamping down the urge to snap at her again. Everyone seemed to be making excuses for him these days, including himself, and he was getting pretty damn tired of it.

Instead, he pushed to his feet. "I'll make some garlic bread," he said, trying out a smile. "I managed to sneak away with Emma Snyder's secret recipe."

Ali's smile widened, and she turned toward the kitchen. "My secret recipes usually involve opening jars or thaw-and-bake," she said as Noah followed her. "Hope Ragu and Barilla are okay. I've got plenty of garlic powder, so I can put some in the sauce even if you need some for the garlic bread too. Not like either of us is likely to be kissing anyone any time—"

She stopped talking and blushed bright red, staring at Noah, eyes wide. "Oh, God, Noah, I'm sorr—"

"Don't," he cut her off, shrugging. "It's not a big deal. It's the truth, right?"

Ali's blush didn't fade, but she started pulling out pans and supplies. "True for both of us, remember," she said. "I wasn't singling you out. We're kind of in the same boat at the moment in a lot of ways."

Noah sighed. "Yeah."

He tried not to think about that morning, about Reid's body against his, their mouths fused together. It was a fluke, that's all. A one-time thing, borne out of horniness or desperation or, hell, revenge, for all he knew.

"So I didn't tell you what happened at the hospital this morning," Ali said, and Noah jumped, his heart pounding suddenly. Ali didn't seem to have noticed, though, her focus on getting dinner started. "I ran into Reid Oliver and Chris Hughes in an examining room, and something's going on with Chris. Dr. Oliver had me draw blood, but he wouldn't tell me what for. He wouldn't even give me the order, took it to the lab himself."

Noah tried to keep his hands from shaking as he cut slices of butter into a small bowl to soften in the microwave. "That's weird," he said softly.

"Yeah," Ali said. "Did you see Dr. Oliver this morning? Is that when your follow-up was."

Noah nodded. "Um, yeah, h-he said p-probably migraine." He winced at the stutter. It only showed up when he was nervous or scared, and right now, he was a little of both. And Ali tended to be too perceptive for his own good sometimes.

Sure enough, she stopped what she was doing and looked over at Noah. He almost wished his eyesight hadn't come back all the way, that maybe he would've been able to pretend he couldn't see her in his peripheral vision.

"Noah," she said, her tone puzzled. "Did something happen at the hospital? Did Dr. Oliver say something to you? Because if he's giving you a hard time—"

"No, it was fine," Noah said firmly, just as firmly refusing to look at Ali. "Yeah, it's a little uncomfortable, but I think that's to be expected, isn't it?"

He knew his tone was snappish again, so he took a deep breath and shot her a quick smile to soften it. "Really, it was just a crazy day. So what—" He cleared his throat. "What's the deal with him and Chris?"

Ali kept looking at him for a few more moments, but then she turned back to her cooking and Noah felt his shoulders drop a few inches. "I have no idea," she said. "It was just ... weird. The vibe between them. Like they'd been fighting, almost, but ..." She shrugged. "It's probably nothing. Some minor thing and Chris just didn't want people speculating about it. Guess I should keep my nose out of it."

Noah nodded, watching as if from a distance as his hands finished mixing up the garlic butter and started spreading it onto slices of Italian bread. He'd given up on trying to figure out what was going on with any of them. It just made his head hurt, and his heart, and he had more than enough of that going on already.

~~~~

Luke opened the door and smiled. "Hey!" he said, stepping back and waving Reid in. "I just called for the pizza. There's beer in the fridge if you want one?"

Reid shook his head and headed toward the sofa. "Whatever you're having is fine with me," he said, flopping onto the cushions. Luke frowned as Reid tipped his head back and closed his eyes, but he headed into the kitchen, bringing back two cans of Coke. He set them on the coffee table and sat down next to Reid, whose eyes opened just a slit.

"Long day?" Luke tilted his head back and turned his face toward Reid.

"Strange day," Reid replied. "Kind of like a rollercoaster, and I'm not a fan of those at all."

Luke grinned, curling sideways on the sofa, pulling up his legs and resting his head on his arm. "I figured you would love those," he said. "All that excitement, the thrill, adrenaline pumping."

Reid snorted and sat up, reaching for one of the Coke cans. "I've seen a couple of head injuries from when those things have malfunctioned," he said, popping the top. "I'll stick with other forms of excitement, thanks."

Luke started to shift closer, but naturally, someone knocked on the door right then. Luke and Reid looked at each other and sighed in unison, and Luke pushed up off the sofa to go get their pizza while Reid reached for the remote and turned on the Cubs game they'd planned to watch together.

An hour later, the pizza was history and so were the Cubs' chances, down 10 to 1 in the fourth. Luke had curled up in the corner of the sofa, head resting on the back cushion, eyes slitted open just wide enough so he could watch Reid. Reid's eyes were pointed toward the TV, but he didn't really seem to be watching it. He was a million miles away, at least.

"Hey." Luke kept his voice low, not wanting to startle Reid, but he jumped a little anyway, turning his head in Luke's direction. "Sorry, did I break your concentration?"

Reid sighed and ran a hand down his face, then grabbed for the remote and shut off the television. The room plunged into near darkness, the only lights coming from the open kitchen door and the spotlight on the side of the house outside.

Luke could tell something was bothering Reid, but he didn't really want to try to puzzle it out now. They were alone, in a dark room, and his body was buzzing with the need for something, and he told himself it was for Reid.

He slid across the cushions until his leg touched Reid's, and he reached up one hand to pull Reid's mouth to his.

They'd just started getting pretty good at this. At first, it all felt awkward and strange, like their mouths didn't fit right, and it took Luke a while to realize it was mostly because it was so different. He was used to Noah, who was taller, whose mouth was a different shape, who kissed him slowly, lingering like he didn't want to let go. Reid's kisses were harder, faster, at a different angle; not bad, really, just different. And it had taken Luke a little while to adjust.

Reid was kissing him slowly now, holding his head like he always did, tilting it from side to side as their mouths moved against each other. Luke moved closer, running his free hand up Reid's thigh to his hip, and tried to push out of his mind all the memories that were trying to crowd their way in.

 _It's over_ , he told his brain. _Noah's not here. Reid is. Noah didn't want you. Reid does._

Reid's hands were sliding down his chest now, reaching for the buttons on his shirt. He'd only done this once before, that first time when Noah's life and Luke's sanity hung in the balance. Luke had pushed him away then, running guilty back to Noah's bedside, but this was different. Reid was his boyfriend, even if they hadn't quite defined it that way yet, and he deserved more from Luke than a few stolen kisses here and there. _Luke_ deserved more.

He let Reid open his shirt.

Reid seemed surprised, pausing more than once as if waiting for Luke to stop him, until Luke finally pulled out of their kiss and looked him in the eye, nodding quickly. Reid opened the last few buttons just as quickly, skimming his hands across Luke's bare skin, and Luke sighed, kissing Reid again.

The hands on his belt buckle almost made him push away, but he simply froze, mouth inches from Reid's, looking into his eyes again as Reid's hands pulled the leather apart, popped the button, slid down the zipper. When Reid's fingers traced his erection, Luke jerked and groaned, and Reid kissed him, hard and deep, his hand keeping up its exquisite torture.

Luke wanted to keep going. He wanted this to be okay, wanted it to feel right, and dammit, he was horny as hell and needed to get off to something other than his own right hand. But it was too much, and he pushed back, hand dropping over Reid's, lifting it off his body.

"Sorry, sorry," he gasped. "Sorry, I just—" He didn't know what to say, and he saw the expected flash of anger on Reid's face, but it was almost immediately replaced with an expression of resignation.

"Okay," Reid said, pulling his hands away, sliding back to put more space between them. He blew out a breath and ran a hand over his face like he'd done a few minutes earlier. "Okay," he repeated, even thought Luke knew it was anything but.

Luke rarely had trouble finding words. Usually they spilled out of him at such a rate that he could barely keep up himself. But he couldn't seem to find the right ones now. Everything was jumbled so much in his head that he couldn't sort it out, and the throbbing of his body wasn't helping matters.

Reid saved him the trouble. "I should get going," he said, pushing himself up the sofa, pausing to subtly adjust his own pants. "Thanks for the pizza and the ... company."

Luke stood up too. "Reid, I—"

Reid cut him off with a hand in the air. "It's okay, Luke," he said. "Blue balls isn't a terminal condition."

Luke snorted a half laugh. "Don't I know it," he mumbled, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. He offered up a sheepish smile. "Look, can we try this again another night? I just ... I guess I'm just not ready yet."

Reid nodded. "Sure," he said, sounding distracted. Luke frowned, but Reid was already headed toward the door. "I'll give you a call."

"Hey." Luke stopped Reid with a hand on his arm just as he reached for the door handle, and Reid turned his head, not quite looking him in the eye.

"Thank you," Luke said, and Reid did look at him then. "For not pushing it, and for not giving up and telling me to forget the whole thing."

Reid's gaze dropped to Luke's mouth. "I'm a brain surgeon," he said. "I spend hours in surgery. I'd better be pretty good at patience."

Luke smiled and kissed him briefly, then let him out and watched him walk away. When he was gone, Luke locked the door and turned back toward the empty living room. Glancing down, he realized his pants were still hanging open, and he started fastening them up, rolling his eyes at himself.

"Dammit Snyder," he muttered. "Would you get over this already? Or else you're never gonna get laid again."

Part of him wished it could really be that easy. The rest of him hoped that it never would be.

~~~~

 _It's not the wedding_ , Reid thought, staring at the microwave in the doctor's lounge as his much-too-late lunch heated up.

 _Not_ just _the wedding, anyway_.

He'd put off Luke, claiming exhaustion. "I think I'm gonna go for the sleep … unless the shower is an open invitation," he'd said, and he almost couldn't believe that he'd actually been hoping for another deferment. He wasn't kidding about needing sleep. He might be patient enough for seven hours of surgery, but that didn't mean he ran on unlimited energy.

But that wasn't why he didn't want to go to the wedding.

It was the family thing.

Reid's family was long gone, and he'd spent the past fifteen years being a lone wolf. A brilliant, highly regarded lone wolf, of course, the combination being the reason he was in Oakdale at all. Luke brought him there to fix his boyfriend, who was no longer his boyfriend, who was giving Reid more action than Luke is at that point.

The whole thing made his head spin.

Weddings. Funerals. Family reunions. Reid hated crowds, to the point that even complex or groundbreaking surgeries drove him crazy with all the people who try to crowd in to assist or watch. He turned down a job at a teaching hospital because he didn't want to deal with medical students hanging around the OR watching him be a genius. He liked to be recognized for his expertise, but he didn't like an audience while he was practicing it.

Audiences took away his enjoyment of chess. The stress didn't make that much difference, because once the games started, he could just play and forget about the rest. But having eyes on him, hundreds of them, their scrutiny crawling over his skin like maggots ... no. He worked in private. Even nurses were an intrusion.

Luke Snyder had family coming out his nose. Every third person in town was related to him in some way, it seemed. He had silbings and steps and adoptives and more levels of relations to more different people than Reid could've imagined. Even Katie had been married to his cousin, so Jacob was his cousin too. He had some kind of distant connection to Bob Hughes' family that Reid gave up trying to understand almost as soon as Luke started telling it. Hell, even _Noah_ was his adopted brother for about five minutes.

 _With all the craziness in this town, it's no wonder I've gotten sucked in_ , Reid thought.

It was as good an explanation as any for what he'd been doing. Making out and getting off with Noah, trying to be good and patient with Luke but ending up frustrated, feeling things for Chris Hughes he hadn't felt since medical school. And wasn't that a kick in the nads, almost literally. Just one look at that smirking face and all the barriers Reid had built around those memories crumbled.

~~~~

They were young and cocky as all hell, as any good medical student should be. Sure of their own brilliance, secure in their infallibility. They'd never lost a patient, and they never would.

Until they did.

They didn't screw up. Or, at least, the hospital declared, weeks later, that they hadn't screwed up, told them they'd done everything possible, that nothing could have saved the little girl.

Neither of them believed it.

She'd come in with severe stomach pains, and Chris and Reid had practically come to blows over who'd do the diagnostic—or rather, over who wouldn't have to do it. Stomach pains in a seven-year-old girl? Appendicitis, naturally. Next!

When their attending had actually forced them to do the patient history together, they'd discovered that her pain had started almost a week earlier and it had taken until now for her mother, who spoke little English, to get her in. They were illegal immigrants, Chris soon realized, and they had no insurance. The mother feared deportation even more than she did the potential costs.

Less than a minute of physical examination had the attending writing an order for surgery and sending the girl off, Chris and Reid in tow to observe and possibly even assist. "Keep it clean, guys," Dr. Parva had said. "No fighting over the sutures."

Everything seemed to be going swimmingly, the near-ruptured appendix removed cleanly, and then the surgeon started stitching things up, and she wouldn't stop bleeding. The surgical team moved faster, and faster, and finally at a frantic pace, but nothing worked. She bled out right there on the table, surrounded by doctors and nurses and medical students, and no one could do a thing.

The surgeon yelled. The attending yelled. Reid and Chris were sent home, to the dorms where they shared a four-room suite with two other young hotshots. Reid yelled at Chris. Chris yelled at Reid. And the next thing they knew, they were on the floor, kissing and biting, scratching, tearing at clothes, until they were naked and gasping and coming all over each other's hands.

They didn't talk about it afterward. Chris got up, grabbed his clothes, and stalked into his room, slamming the door behind him. Reid sat there for a few more minutes, cursing himself for losing control like that, before he did the same as Chris.

They didn't speak to each other unless they had to for the week it took for the hospital to complete its investigation. They found that the mother had neglected to tell anyone that she'd been giving her daughter aspirin several times a day for the week before they came to the ER. It wasn't a missed translation; she simply forgot. When she'd realized what had happened, she'd needed a sedative to calm her hysteria.

The next morning, back at the dorm, Reid stared at the toaster, willing his bagel to toast faster so he could shove it in and fall into bed. Chris walked into the kitchen from his bedroom, but Reid refused to look at him.

"I don't know what to say," he started, and Reid snorted out a laugh.

"Then don't say anything," he retorted. "It was nothing. Stupidity and anger that needed whatever outlet it could get. Any port in a storm."

Chris sighed, and from the corner of his eye Reid saw him run a hand down his face. "Yeah," he mumbled, turning away. "And it also felt damn good."

Reid's head snapped up at that, but Chris was already gone, the door to his room closing behind him, and Reid wasn't at all sure he'd heard what he thought he did. Not that it mattered. Sexual gratification aside, Chris wasn't gay, and even if he were, Reid wouldn't be interested.

Even if it _had_ felt damn good.

~~~~

Reid sighed as he pulled out his food and sat down to ... enjoy it wasn't what he'd call it. His mind didn't want to stay where it had been, but he couldn't seem to pull it back.

He and Chris had gotten each other off three more times, twice while tipsy and horny and unable to sleep, and once after graduation, while celebrating and a little more than tipsy. Always handjobs, never anything more. And then they parted ways and didn't lay eyes on each other again until Oakdale.

Oakdale. Where Reid had met Luke, who drove him absolutely crazy, in all the best and all the worst ways. And who rarely pushed him for anything, even when it meant showing up stag for his father's wedding.

Reid stared at the brown mush in front of him for a long moment and then rolled his eyes at himself, pushing to his feet. "Okay, okay, I'll go," he muttered, dumping the plastic tray into the trash and heading home for a long shower and a change of clothes.

~~~~

Cockblocked again.

Reid tried to be understanding. He really did, but he and Luke had been dancing around this for months. And there they were, alone in a fully paid-for hotel room with a nice big bed and no one expecting them anywhere anytime soon.

And Luke put him off because of Noah.

Reid's teeth ground together as he walked—stalked, really—through Old Town. He told himself he was just going in to talk to Noah and get a gigantic cup of coffee to take to the hospital, since he'd gotten little sleep last night despite his exhaustion. Even jerking off didn't help, because his mind kept flipping back and forth between images of Luke, who he'd never seen come, and images of Noah, who he had.

That was so many shades of backwards that Reid's tired mind couldn't begin to comprehend it.

Reid didn't know what to think when Luke's sister—Amy? Addie? Something like that—assumed he was Noah. Beyond the fact that she clearly didn't know about Luke's breakup, had she never seen a picture of Noah? Not like they could be easily mistaken for each other. Heck, mistaking Reid for Luke would be a hell of a lot more likely.

It made a little more sense as Reid realized how little … Abby, that was it, had been involved in Luke's life over the past few years. Even Snyders could fall out of touch with each other. Wasn't there another brother out there, too? And he didn't even make it for the wedding.

He shook his head. He'd done his duty, made Luke happy, maybe even helped Molly out a little. She'd seemed to need a kick in the ass to do the right thing. Luke might complain about his people skills, but sometimes brute force was needed to get the job done.

As he walked down the short alleyway toward Java's entrance, Reid caught a glimpse of Noah moving behind the counter, handing a customer a cup and giving a smile. Reid paused, watching. Noah really did have a nice smile, something Reid hadn't seen often, considering everything that had been happening over the past few months. He couldn't help but compare it to Luke's, but his tired mind continued playing its tricks on him, and instead brought up an image of Luke and Noah together. Smiling, sure, but smiling at each other, and in such a way that let everyone know they couldn't see anything else.

Reid wasn't stupid enough to think he and Luke had that kind of relationship. He had serious doubts that they ever would.

Reid blew out a breath and yanked the door open, striding up to the counter and planting his hands on it. "Mr. Mayer," he said, as Noah turned toward him, surprise on his face. "May I have a word, please?"

Noah frowned and seemed about to protest, but then he visibly deflated and nodded, turning to the co-worker standing behind him. "BJ, could you cover for a few?"

The other guy shrugged, and Noah tossed down the cloth he'd been holding and headed toward the back hallway without a word. Reid frowned and glanced back over his shoulder. He'd been thinking the alley out front, not the one out back, but then he supposed more privacy was probably better than less for the conversation he planned to have.

He followed Noah past storage spaces and restrooms and through the back door. Outside, the light was dim in the narrow space, overhanging eaves shielding the area from the sun. It smelled like trash and other things Reid didn't want to think about, but that was probably because of the dumpster several yards away, since the area where they stood seemed to be pretty clean.

Noah flipped a latch over on the door to keep it from closing all the way and turned to face Reid, arms crossed over his chest. "Look," he said. "It's not going to happen again. What we did. What we've been doing. It's—"

Reid only half heard him. Still fuzzy from sleep deprivation, still with a low hum of unresolved arousal running under his skin, his gaze fixated on Noah's arms—the outline of muscles, the smooth skin, the light dusting of hair—and then wandered to the shape of Noah's chest under his t-shirt, stretched tight by his stance.

Reid took a step forward and shut Noah up the best way he could imagine. With his mouth.

~~~~

Noah swore he wasn't going to let this happen again. Easy to say when he didn't have a leg pressed against his cock and a tongue in his mouth.

Say what you would about Reid Oliver, but the man knew what he was doing when it came to sex. Even the kind that didn't involve taking off clothes.

The rough surface of the bricks cut into Noah's back through his Java t-shirt, but he barely noticed. He was too busy squeezing Reid's ass, kissing him back just as hard as Reid was kissing him, grinding their hips together.

Noah's mind seemed to detach and float away. He felt as if he were watching himself from outside, like when he watched his hands automatically making garlic spread a few nights earlier. He looked wanton, more than a little desperate, and maybe even sexy, pressed up against the wall with Reid's hands holding his head and his mouth plundering Noah's.

Noah groaned into Reid's mouth, fingers clutching at him through the denim of his jeans, trying to get him closer, trying to get more friction. It didn't take much, his body trained already in how to react, and within a few minutes Noah had reached the point of no return. He tore out of their kiss, head falling back, and Reid attached himself to Noah's neck, sucking hard as Noah jerked and fell over the edge, warmth spreading across his skin inside his boxers. Seconds later Reid followed him, letting out a low groan that vibrated against Noah's skin.

The noise seemed to break Noah out of his trance. He shoved Reid away, hard enough that he slammed into the wall on the other side of the narrow alley.

"What the fuck?" Reid demanded.

"I'm not going to do this any more, Reid," Noah rasped, breathing hard, having to brace himself against the wall because his legs were still shaking. "I'm not going to be this guy. The other guy, or whatever the hell this has been. I wouldn't do it with Luke, and I sure as hell am not doing it with you."

"Noah—"

"Don't." Noah put up a hand, swallowed carefully, and looked Reid in the eye. "This isn't going to happen again. I made an appointment with a different doctor about the headaches. She'll be sending a request for my records. Please, just … stay away from me."

Reid stared at him but then nodded, slowly, pushing off the wall to stand, reaching to straighten his clothes. "You're right," he said. "This is stupid. It never should've happened."

Noah agreed, or at least, his mind and heart did. His body didn't quite seem to be with the program yet.

"I'm leaving," he said. "I got offered a grant to do a film in LA, and I'm leaving next month. I haven't told … but I should tell you—" He broke off, hesitating, and Reid raised an eyebrow as his hands slowly lowered to his sides. "I should tell you that I'm going to ask Luke to go with me."

He'd prepared himself for anger, laughter, derision, almost anything except what he got. Reid just nodded, slowly. "You know he'll go, right?"

Noah shook his head, gaze dropping to the ground, arms wrapping around his middle. "Don't say that," he said, his voice ragged. "Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not." Reid took a step closer, and Noah snapped his head up in warning. Reid stopped, lifting a hand, palm out, placating. "I'm not making fun of you," he insisted. "If anything, I'm making fun of me." He shrugged and let his hand drop. "This is all a pipe dream at best for me. It's not real. Luke will wake up and realize he's still in love with you, and that'll be that."

Noah shook his head again, trying not to let himself hope Reid might be right. "No," he said. "It's not that simple."

Reid sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. "It never is," he agreed. He tilted his head down the alley, away from Java's back door. "I'll leave you alone. I mean, not just now but … whenever."

Noah let his head drop back against the wall, still half-hugging himself. "You don't have to walk the other way if you see me or anything," he said, almost smiling. "Just none of … this. No back alleys or private rooms. No … no touching."

"Got it." Reid looked like he was going to say more about it, but he seemed to decide against it. "If I don't see you, good luck in LA," he said. He gave a chuff of a laugh. "I'd say good luck with Luke, but that'd be pretty stupid of me. And it's not like you need it anyway."

He lifted a hand in a sort of wave and walked away. Noah watched him go until he disappeared around the end of the building and then stared at that spot, not sure what he was looking for but not ready to stop looking.

~~~~

Ali heard the key in the lock and leaned around the corner from the kitchen to smile at Noah as he walked in. "Hey Noah," she said, and then she saw his face. Pale, eyes wide and, she couldn't help but notice, particularly blue. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"Are you okay?" she asked, taking a step closer but freezing when Noah visibly flinched.

"I'm… I'm okay," he said, completely unconvincingly. "I've just had a bad day, and I have a little bit of a headache, so I think I'm going to lie down for a while."

Ali frowned. "How much of a headache is 'a little'?"

Noah almost smiled. "Nothing like the migraines or whatever," he said, dropping his keys in the bowl next to the door and heading for his bedroom. "More of a 'customers sure can be annoying' thing."

Ali didn't quite buy it, but Noah didn't look sick, really, just exhausted, so she let it go. "I'm going to make some chicken and veggie stir fry, and I'll have plenty," she said as she turned back into the kitchen. "I have to work a seven-to-seven again, which is why I'm eating so early, but I'll leave you some leftovers in the fridge for later."

"Thanks." Noah paused at the door to his bedroom and turned to face her. "Um, Ali, I should tell you this, since it'll really affect you the most. I might … I'm probably going to be moving to LA."

Surprised, Ali almost dropped the knife she'd just picked up. "What? When?"

"Next month." Noah shrugged one shoulder. "You know that film grant I applied for?" Ali nodded. "Well, I got it. I mean, it's not totally final, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to … anyone." The unspoken word _Luke_ hung in the air between them. "But I should know in a few days. I'll let you know as soon as I do."

He gave another small half smile and disappeared into his room. Ali stared at the closed door, her mind working overtime. She'd known about the grant, and she was pretty sure Luke did too, but did he know it would take Noah to California?

She fought an urge to pick up the phone and call Luke right then.

 _No_ , she told herself. _It's not your business. Let them work it out_.

Except that they weren't working anything out. She saw Luke on a regular basis at the hospital, and Noah every night, and neither of them was okay. Luke might be with Reid physically (although she had no idea just how _physical_ they were), even mentally, but emotionally, he'd never left Noah behind.

And Noah … Ali doubted Noah ever would leave Luke behind. And the thought of him pining, wishing for something that would never happen, for months or years or the rest of his life—

Ali sighed, staring down into the pan as she stirred around the chicken and vegetables. She was really the last person anyone should go to for relationship advice. But she was also the only solid connection between Luke and Noah at the moment, and they were supposed to be her friends. She wouldn't be much of a friend if she saw them both suffering and didn't do anything to try to help.

She just wished she could figure out what to do.

~~~~

"Oh, this is rich."

Chris looked up at Reid as he walked into the examining room, but Reid barely noticed, his eyes on the blood test results he held. He looked up and smirked. "Coxsackie virus? Really?"

Chris rolled his eyes. "What are you, twelve?">

"No, that'd be you, Doogie." Reid grabbed the high stool from the corner and pulled it over to sit down. "So the _Toxoplasma gondii_ tests came back negative. If you had that, you don't any more, but since it tends to hibernate, chances are you never had it at all. So no parasites, or at least not that one. But there's another issue."

He paused just long enough for Chris to get impatient. "Are we going to play Twenty Questions?"

Reid sighed and tossed the chart on the counter. "You've got a _Haemophilus influenza_ infection," he said. "And a pretty entrenched one, based on your white blood cell count. So normally for the coxsackie we'd do steroids at this point. Too late for antivirals, if they'd do anything at all. But steroids now and the bacterial infection would probably get even worse. I'd say antibiotics now, and once the bacteria are gone, try the steroids if you aren't improving."

Chris sighed and leaned forward, forearms resting on his thighs, rubbing his hands together. "Yeah," he said. "Let's do it."

Reid leaned forward too. "You know the best treatment for the _Haemophilus_ is IV antibiotics," he said. "But we can start you with a round of those, and then follow up with injections for the rest. Easier than having you take an IV twice a day, and less likely to get us found out."

Chris looked up at that and almost laughed. "I feel like I'm a spy movie or something," he said. "Should we start wearing trench coats and fedoras?"

Reid did laugh, which seemed to surprise Chris as much as it did him. "I'll get a room set up, and we can do the IV now," he said, reaching for the chart and making a note. "Better to do it in the evening when not so many people are around."

Chris nodded. "And the injections?"

Reid shrugged one shoulder and pushed to his feet, lightly kicking the stool so it rolled back toward the corner. "I can give you those," he said.

"Not here," Chris cut in. "Not if we can help it."

Reid rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, your secret's safe and all that," he said, tucking his pen into his jacket pocket. "But if this doesn't work, or there are complications, I'm not going to keep quiet forever. You aren't dying on my watch."

Chris gave a mock salute. "Yes sir, Doctor Oliver sir."

Reid started to smile again but cut it off and turned toward the door. _Not this shit again_ , he thought. "I'll text you when I have a room," he said. "In the meantime, try to stay out of trouble."

He stepped into the hall, pulling the door shut behind him, and turned to see Luke walking toward him. "Hey!" Luke said, smiling. "Wasn't sure you were still around. I was going to see if you wanted to go to dinner or something."

Reid didn't answer. He just grabbed Luke by the back of the neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Luke made a small sound in his throat, but of surprise, not protest. Reid closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Luke's mouth against his, pushing away anything he felt for any other man. He had _Luke_ , dammit, and he wasn't going to let his screwed-up libido ruin that for him.

He broke away just as suddenly as he'd initiated the kiss, and stared into Luke's darkening eyes. "Dinner sounds great, but I can't tonight," he said, trying to be gentle but still seeing the heat in Luke's gaze shift to disappointment. "Got a patient who needs an IV, and it's kind of touchy." He smiled. "How about tomorrow night? That Metro place, maybe?"

Luke smiled then too. "It's a date."

~~~~

Luke kept catching himself grinning all day long. Not that there was anything wrong with that, exactly, but he had two board meetings and lunch with his grandmother, and having a smile plastered on his face would only lead to strange looks (at the meetings) and questions he didn't really know how to answer (at lunch).

His poker face failed halfway through his burger. Lucinda paused, a forkful of mushrooms held in one regal hand, and lifted one regal eyebrow.

"Luke," she said. "My dear Luciano. What has got you smiling like the proverbial cat that has eaten the canary?"

Luke bit his lip and looked down at his lap, twisting his napkin around his fingers. "Nothing, I just …" He glanced up at his grandmother, smile still in place. "I have a date tonight."

The eyebrow climbed higher. "I know we haven't talked much the past few weeks, darling," she said. "But would this be with the doctor or …?"

Luke's smile drooped. "It's with Reid," he said, fiddling with a French fry. "You know Noah and I broke up. That hasn't changed."

Lucinda waved the hand still holding the fork, fingers trailing, before popping the bite into her mouth. She took a moment to savor, eyes closing as she chewed and swallowed, and Luke smiled again as he watched her. When she reopened her eyes and pinned him with a sharp look, though, his smile disappeared.

"Hope springs eternal, my dear," she said. "Your young man has come to mean a lot to your family, and to you as well. That isn't something easily forgotten."

Luke nodded. "I know," he said. "I haven't forgotten, Grandmother. I still care about him, and he knows that. I just … I couldn't. Can't. And I'm with Reid now, and he's been great. I know he rubs some people the wrong way, but he—"

"Rubs you the _right_ ways?" The eyebrow was back, along with a knowing smirk, and Luke laughed from surprise and not a little embarrassment.

" _Grandmother!_ I'm surprised at you!" He paused. "Okay, well, probably not all _that_ surprised."

Lucinda smiled calmly. "I'm old, not dead, dear," she said. "And I've spent quite a lot of time with men over the years, especially in the kinds of business positions I've been in. I'm not naïve enough to think two young men who care about each other so much aren't going to express that."

Luke felt his cheeks color, and he dropped his gaze to his food, his appetite sliding away. "We haven't—I haven't—" He stopped. He was an adult. He should be able to do this. Yes, this was his grandmother, but of everyone in his family, she was the one he felt most comfortable talking to about things like this. Which wasn't saying much, but better her than, say, Emma.

Luke straightened his shoulders and looked Lucinda in the eye. "We haven't slept together," he said, voice firm but low. "We've talked about it. I know he wants to. And so do I, really, but I just ..." He sighed. "I can't get Noah out of my head."

Lucinda held his gaze. "I thought you said you and he had broken up."

"We have," Luke confirmed, nodding. "And it's not that I still want him or anything. I mean, I wouldn't say that I _don't_ want him, but that's not it. It's just, Noah's the only guy I've dated, the only one I've … been with. And whenever things head in that direction, I think about him, and I can't let it happen like that."

After a moment, Lucinda nodded. "A wise decision," she said, spearing another batch of mushrooms on her fork. "Far too many couples rush into the physical much too soon. Better to spend time learning about each other in other ways." She arched an eyebrow again. "It worked out fairly well with Noah, did it not?"

Luke slumped back in his chair. "I thought so," he murmured. "But look at us now."

Lucinda ate her mushrooms silently, while Luke stared at his plate, lost in his head.

~~~~

Noah stared at his phone, not entirely sure the call he'd just ended had really happened. He finally looked at the two fellow film students sitting across the table from him, looking expectant.

"I got it." The words seemed to break him free, and he grinned widely.

"Dude!"

"Awesome!"

Noah kept smiling as Andy and Mei congratulated him on the film grant, but his mind was whirling. Between the remaining requirements for the grant, planning for the film he wanted to make and the supplies he'd need, and getting his act together to move to LA, he felt a little dizzy.

He told himself there wasn't room in his head for Luke, but somehow he never seemed to leave.

Noah's fingers itched to call Luke. He wanted to tell him about the grant, tell him he was moving, and tell him he wanted Luke to go with him. All the times over the past few years he'd thought about moving to New York or Los Angeles, it was always with Luke. He'd never even considered the possibility that he'd be doing it alone.

He said his goodbyes to his friends and headed home from campus, his thoughts still whirling. He had to start making plans soon. LA wasn't a small move. He didn't have all that much stuff, of course, but he'd have to find somewhere to live from here, which would be a challenge. And he'd have to sort through his things and decide what he could get rid of.

And he'd have to tell Luke.

He shook it off. He'd have to tell _Ali_ first. She's the one who'd need to find a new roommate, and he wasn't giving her a lot of time, even though he'd already told her about the possibility. And he'd need to let his boss at Java know, and make arrangements to ship things out, and buy a plane ticket—

He was so preoccupied he almost missed the turn to the apartment. Laughing at himself a little, he pulled up in front of the building and headed inside, backpack slung over one shoulder. For a few minutes, he let himself think about telling Luke about the move. Telling all the Snyders, actually. He hadn't seen a lot of them in the past few months, but that had been more on him than on them. He'd turned down invitations to dinner at the farm, claiming work or other commitments, but when he ran into any of them around town, he'd stop and talk. And he enjoyed it, for the most part. They always seemed happy to see him, and even though the pain in his heart never quite went away, it always got a little lighter.

But only a little.

Inside, Noah dropped his backpack in his room and crossed into the kitchen, pulling the leftover stirfry he'd never eaten the night before out of the fridge. He wasn't really hungry, but he knew he needed to eat. He had to work four to ten, so dinner would hard to come by, and while he'd let his heart pine all it wanted, no way would he let himself waste away. He was pathetic enough as it was.

He started the microwave and sighed, bracing himself against the counter with both hands and letting his head drop loose on his neck. The stretch and burn of muscle and tendon felt good. He should really start going to the gym or running again or something. Once he got to LA, he would. Maybe he'd take up weightlifting or surfing or something, find a hot guy with a hot body and get laid for the first time in almost a year.

He snorted out a laugh. If it was just about getting laid, he could've had Richard. Not that he was actually attracted to him, but he knew Richard had been attracted to him, and he could've taken advantage of that if he'd wanted. Of course, he'd lost Richard as even a friend when he'd blown him off at Yo's. And then he'd shoved Luke away with both hands, too, and look where that had left him. Alone in his kitchen, eating leftovers and staring at the walls.

 _God, I really am pathetic_ , he thought, but he didn't feel inclined to do anything about it. He took his dinner into the living room and fell onto the sofa, picking up the remote and flipping channels aimlessly, not really seeing anything.

~~~~

Luke had no freaking idea what was going on.

Reid kept disappearing from their table at Metro, claiming he had to do something with one of Chris's patients, going over to talk to Chris, acted distracted while sitting with Luke, then jumping up and going off again. It was enough to make Luke's head spin.

It spun even harder after Casey and Ali stopped by their table. Luke knew about the grant Noah had applied for, but he had no idea getting it would mean moving to California.

 _Would mean_ Noah _moving to California_ , a sarcastic voice in the back of his head said. _Leaving_ you _behind_.

Luke forced the thought away. He was with Reid. Noah was a good friend, and they had a lot of good memories, but that was all. Luke would wish him well, find out what he might be able to do to help, and wave goodbye.

He tried to imagine it, but his mind kept getting stuck on the goodbye part.

He sighed. Reid had disappeared again, this time on a trip to the men's room, but he'd been gone so long Luke began to wonder if he'd fallen in. Or climbed out the window and run, a thought so absurd that Luke nearly laughed out loud at himself.

He also got up and headed for the restrooms.

He heard a voice as he approached the door. It sounded like Reid, although he couldn't be sure, and he couldn't tell what he was saying. He paused, torn between barging in, sneaking in, and just waiting outside for Reid.

He went with door number two.

~~~~

"Would you just give me the damn shot?"

Reid didn't even look up, sliding the hypodermic into the bottle and pulling it back slowly, watching the clear liquid fill the syringe. "I have to load the damn shot first," he said dryly. "Unless you'd like a big pocket of air injected into your ass cheek?

Chris sighed and tipped his head back against the wall. He stood just to the left of the sinks, where Reid had laid out the supplies from the medical bag Chris had brought in. Reid shot him a quick glance. "You know, you could always find someone else to do this, if you have a problem with the way—"

"Oh no, I'd miss your scintillating bedside manner far too much," Chris interrupted, curling his lip and glaring out of the corner of his eye. "How is it you manage to get dates anyway? I thought it was Noah who had the head injury, not Luke."

Reid ignored the gibe, pushing air out of the syringe and turning toward Chris. "All right, drop 'em, Doogie," he said, twirling one finger in the air. "Let's get this over with so I can get back to trying to enjoy my evening for a change."

Chris sighed again as he complied, unbuckling his pants as he turned around, dropping them just far enough to expose the muscle for the injection. Reid kept his eyes carefully on the small exposed patch of skin, not about to allow his gaze to wander further, even though his mind filled in the image of what the rest of Chris's ass looked like naked. And the rest of his body, for that matter. It might have been a long time, but some things sure didn't seem to have changed much.

Reid swiped an alcohol swab over Chris's skin and then jabbed the needle in, with more force than strictly necessary. Chris jumped a little but didn't make a sound. Pressing the plunger all the way in, Reid put a piece of gauze over the injection site and pulled the needle back out. He stepped back, one finger holding the gauze in place.

"Hold this," he said, trying not to notice the feel of Chris's fingers against his as Chris took over for him. Reid turned and capped the syringe, dropping it into the bag, and reached for a bandage, turning back to push the gauze aside and replace it with the bandage.

"There," he said, stripping off the nitrile gloves, tossing them into the trash along with the gauze and bandage wrappers. "One down, a week to go."

He looked over at Chris, whose head was bent as he refastened his pants. A memory flashed through Reid's mind, of Chris fumbling to unbuckle his belt, his shirt already hanging open, breath harsh against Reid's face as he straddled him on the sofa. That was the last time they had sex, the night Reid said more than he should have said, the night Chris shoved him away and ran, partly away from Reid, but mostly toward a safe, middle-of-the-road, heterosexual life.

"You had no idea what you did to me, did you?"

Reid was surprised to hear the words come out of his mouth, but not half as surprised as Chris. His head snapped up, his eyes wide, and Reid couldn't help telling him exactly what he did.

"I was falling for you," Reid said. "I might have been a stupid kid who didn't know any better, but it wasn't just about sex for me. It never was, not even that first time when we were so messed up we weren't even thinking. And when you freaked out that last time, I just shut down. I went into autopilot. And you have no _clue_ how long it took me to get over it."

Chris opened his mouth as if to reply, but before he could the door slammed open, hitting the wall. Both men jumped and turned to see Luke standing in the doorway.

"What the _fuck_ is going on in here?"

~~~~

Luke vacillated between anger and confusion. He couldn't have heard what he thought he heard, could he? Reid did _not_ just say that he and Chris had been lovers?

Reid cleared his throat and dropped his gaze to the floor.

 _Okay, then_ , Luke thought. _He said exactly what I thought he said. Now what the fuck have they been doing behind my back?_

Chris finished buckling his belt and headed for the door without a word. Luke fought the urge to punch him in the face. Whatever was going on, Reid would be the one to tell him.

"It's nothing," Reid said, turning his back on Luke and fiddling with something on the counter next to the sink. "Just more issues with that difficult—"

"Stop. Lying." The rage was winning out. Luke's hands tightened into fists. "I might be young, but I'm not stupid. Something is going on between you and Chris. If you're sleeping with him—"

Reid spun on his heel. "I am not sleeping with Chris Hughes," he said, voice low and firm, with a harsh edge. " _Have_ I slept with Chris Hughes? Yes. In college. But not since then. I'm not—"

He stopped suddenly, mouth hanging open for a long moment, and then he tightened his jaw and turned back around. "Nothing is going on with me and Chris. Hell, nothing was going on with us back then." The sarcasm was coming out full force. "It's nothing." He pushed whatever was on the counter away and turned back. "Let it drop, Luke."

He stalked toward the door. Luke did reach out to stop him, grabbing his arm, but Reid yanked it away and kept going. Luke half turned to follow him, but paused, looking toward the sink. He walked over, half afraid to see what Reid had been hiding from him.

When he saw it, he frowned, even more confused. A medical bag? Why would they need a medical bag? Unless ...

The events of the past few weeks flashed through Luke's mind: Chris behaving oddly at meetings, or missing them entirely. Bob's increasing frustration over Chris's inexplicable actions. Reid dealing with problem patients at all hours. And now, Reid and Chris huddled together in the men's room with a medical bag.

It all came together in Luke's mind, and the picture that formed wasn't pretty.

Luke took off out the door, heading across the club and toward the exit. He didn't even bother looking around to see if Reid was still there. He knew he wouldn't be.

Outside, Luke jogged down the short alleyway toward the main part of Old Town. As he rounded the corner, he pulled up short, almost running into someone.

Reid.

He had the decency to look guilty, at least. Luke crossed his arms over his chest. "You gonna tell me what's going on now, or should I tell you what I think?"

Reid's head dropped and his shoulders slumped. He shoved his hands into his pockets. "I swore I wouldn't tell."

Luke lifted an eyebrow. "And keeping a secret for Chris is more important than being honest with me?"

Reid's head snapped up. "I never lied to you."

"I didn't say you did," Luke replied immediately. "Not directly. But you've been secretly treating Chris Hughes for some kind of illness that no one else knows about. You've been putting me off and telling me half-truths to hide it. And you probably would've kept it a secret if I hadn't walked into that restroom tonight and caught you."

Reid just stared at him for a few long moments before finally nodding. "Yeah," he said. "I would have. Because I told Chris I wouldn't tell anyone."

Luke's hands clenched. "But hiding it from me was perfectly okay?"

"Yes!" Reid burst out. "Yes, it was! Because it didn't have anything to do with you. It was between him and me. And I don't have to tell you every little thing that goes on in my life."

It took a lot to stun Luke into silence. Reid had accomplished it. When Luke finally spoke, he could hear exactly how flat his voice sounded.

"Take me home."

Reid raised an eyebrow.

"Take me home," Luke said, more firmly this time, the anger breaking through. He took a step closer, arms falling to his sides. "Now."

Reid stared at him again, and before Luke could move, he'd wrapped a hand around the back of Luke's neck and hauled him in for a hard, messy kiss.

~~~~

Noah checked around Java one more time, making sure everything was clean and back in its proper place, before flipping off the light and stepping outside. He turned to lock the door behind him, double-checked that it was secure, and then walked down the alleyway toward the Old Town courtyard.

He could hear voices nearby, but that was nothing new. Old Town was rarely deserted except in the middle of the night. Noah knew that all too well, considering the recurrent bouts of insomnia that drove him out of the apartment on a regular basis. He'd just walk it off, sometimes for hours, sometimes actually getting tired enough to go back home and sleep for a while before another day started.

He glanced toward the voices as he rounded the corner and pulled up short. It was Reid and Luke, standing maybe a foot apart, having some kind of intense discussion. Noah could see Reid more clearly, the shadows obscuring all but a sliver of Luke's face, and while Reid didn't really look angry, he didn't look particularly happy either.

Noah moved closer, knowing he should just walk away but drawn to Luke, just as he always was. His approach brought him up at such an angle that he could get pretty close before they'd be likely to see him. It also made it harder for him to see them, but he could hear them more clearly.

"Take me home. Now."

Noah sucked in a breath and almost choked. Reid didn't move, and Noah started to think he was going to refuse, turn down Luke's obvious offer. But then he moved in a flash, and before Noah could blink, they were kissing deeply, Reid's hand cupping Luke's head.

Noah turned and practically ran away.

~~~~

Reid knew he was on thin ice, but he kept kissing Luke anyway. All he wanted was to take Luke home, strip him bare, lick every inch of his skin, fuck him until they both collapsed with exhaustion. And every time he thought he got close, something interfered.

He was beginning to think the universe hated him.

Just as he knew would happen, Luke shoved him away, but what came after that surprised him.

"Take me home," Luke said again, this time in a voice laced with passion and promise.

Then Luke kissed Reid, pressed his whole body against Reid's, and Reid let himself feel it. He pulled at Luke's shirt until he could get one hand under it and onto bare skin, nails scratching along Luke's spine. Luke groaned into his mouth and shoved one leg between both of Reid's, rotating his hips in a move that should've been illegal in the state of Illinois. Reid's cock, already half hard just from the kiss, took an insane amount of liking to that.

Too much liking for Reid's comfort. It was too familiar.

Reid spun them around, pressing Luke's back against the wall, and grabbed for both of Luke's hands. He pinned them to the bricks on either side of Luke's head, watching the surprise in Luke's eyes give way to pure, raw lust.

"This isn't going to happen," Reid said. Luke's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest, but Reid raised his voice and kept talking. "It's been less than a week since you told me you still associate all this with Noah. I don't think that's changed so fast. Can you stand here and tell me honestly that it has?"

Luke stared back at him, mouth still open, and then deflated visibly, his gaze dropping away from Reid's. "No," he admitted. "It's ... it's different. But not that much different."

Reid nodded, even though Luke wasn't looking at him. "And that wouldn't bother me as much as it does you, except I know that if you sleep with me now, you're going to treat it like you're cheating on Noah."

He deliberately pushed away thoughts of what he and Noah had done. He knew that if Noah were in his place, he'd admit it. He'd tell Luke, and Luke would be crushed, and it would take them months to get to the point where Luke would trust him again.

That wouldn't happen if Reid told him the truth now. They had a completely different kind of relationship. If Reid told Luke that he'd cheated on him with Noah, it'd be simple. Luke would be crushed, sure, but more than that, he'd be angry. He'd leave. If Reid was lucky, he wouldn't get punched in the face. And that would be the end of that.

Reid wasn't going to let that happen. But he also wasn't going to fuck Luke if he had to do it with what amounted to the ghost of Noah as an audience.

"Hey." Reid waited until Luke looked up at him again. "When we have sex," he said, leaning in close, so Luke could feel his breath on his face, "I don't plan on anyone being there but you and me. I know Noah was important to you. I know you still care about him. But no matter how much I want you, I'm not going to sleep with you while you're thinking about your ex-boyfriend."

Luke's cheeks flushed, and he looked away again. "Reid, I—"

"Don't." Reid released Luke's hands and stepped away. "I'll take you home. You think about what you really want. I don't give up easily, but I don't share well either."

Luke hesitated, then nodded quickly. "Okay," Reid said. "Let's go."

He headed toward his car, checking to be sure Luke followed, which he did. Reid sighed.

 _How do I get myself into these things?_ he asked himself.

He had no answers.

~~~~

Ali opened the apartment door quietly, not wanting to wake Noah if he was still asleep. He'd had the late shift the night before—they'd finally taken to keeping their work schedules on a calendar on the refrigerator so neither would wonder about the other—so she thought at barely 7:15AM that he'd probably still be out like a light. The only reason she'd left Casey's so early was that she had to work at 9.

She pushed the door shut and took one step forward before stopping in her tracks.

 _Well_ , she thought, _he's definitely sleeping_.

Passed out was more like it. She couldn't really be sure, but the number of empty beer bottles sitting on the coffee table (she couldn't quite tell if it was seven or eight, but neither was a good number) didn't bode well. Noah rarely drank more than maybe a beer with dinner, and with the risk of bleeding after his brain surgery, he shouldn't have much more than that.

Noah was still fully dressed except for his shoes. He hadn't even changed out of his Java shirt before starting his mini-binge. The television was on, some kind of infomercial that she barely glanced at as she crossed over to check Noah's condition. He seemed to be breathing fine, and he'd managed to curl up on the sofa in such a position that he wouldn't be in a lot of pain when he woke up. Not muscle and joint pain, anyway. His head and stomach, and probably his heart, could be a different story.

Ali sighed and started gathering up the bottles as quietly as she could. She'd made one trip to the kitchen and was on round two when Noah jerked and then let out a long groan.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," Ali said, keeping her voice low. "You can stay there and I'll bring you water and Tylenol, or you can go to bed to finish sleeping it off and I'll bring it in there."

"Mmph." Noah lifted his head just enough to focus one bleary eye on her. "Gotta pee," he mumbled.

"Then pee and head to bed," Ali said, picking up the last bottle. "Try to actually change into sleeping clothes this time, would you?"

She dropped the bottles into the recycling box with the others and washed her hands before pulling a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. Noah shuffled past while she worked, and she heard him in the bathroom when she walked into his room to set the water on his bedside table.

They met up in the hallway. Noah still looked half asleep, but he didn't look sick.

"How do you feel?" Even if Ali's nursing instincts didn't kick in automatically, she would've asked. Noah shrugged one shoulder.

"Sleepy," he said, around a yawn. "Thirsty."

"Not sick?" she asked, to confirm. "No headache?"

He shrugged the same shoulder. "M'fine," he said. "No hangover. Don't usually get them anyway. 'Specially not from just beer. Just get sleepy."

Ali nodded slowly. "Okay," she said. "I have to go to work in a little bit, so it'll be quiet for you. If you do feel bad later, take Tylenol, not aspirin or anything. You don't need any more blood thinners in your system. You shouldn't be drinking that much."

Noah slumped sideways against the wall next to his bedroom door. "I know," he muttered, eyes fixed on the floor. "Gotta stop letting him get to me."

Ali didn't have to ask who, and she figured the why could wait. "Go back to sleep," she said. "Do you need me to call anyone?"

"No." Noah pushed off the wall and headed past her into the bedroom. "Working the late shift again today. I'll set my alarm."

He turned and gave her what might have been a smile if the world were different. She returned it in equal measure. "Sleep well," she said. "See you later."

Noah nodded, the door closing between them. Ali stared at it, chewing on her bottom lip, thinking about what she'd told Luke the night before, about Noah moving to LA. He needed to know, and Noah was too damn stubborn to tell him. She just hoped all of this wouldn't end up backfiring on all of them.

~~~~

Noah looked up automatically when the bell over the door chimed, even though he was off duty. He fought with himself for only a split second before smiling.

"Hey, Luke." He impressed himself with how steady his voice sounded. Almost normal.

"Hey!" Luke seemed surprised to see him, even though he knew Noah had been back in his old job for well over a month. "New uniform?"

Noah looked down at himself, and the dress shirt and jacket he wore. _Oh yeah_ , he thought. "Hardly," he said, laughing a little. "Off today. Just ... picking up my paycheck and killing some time." He waved the envelope holding his check. "I've got a meeting over at the Lakeview, with a guy from the grant committee."

"For your film." Luke nodded and smiled, leaning against the counter. "Ali told me you got the grant, or as good as, anyway," he said. His smile remained, but it seemed to slip a little at the edges. "And you're ... you're moving to LA?"

Noah bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah," he answered, softly. "If it comes through, and it looks like it will. Just one more meeting to tie things up." He stood up tall, straightened his jacket, and tried another smile. "It's not too much, is it?"

Luke shook his head. "Nah, not at all. You look ... handsome."

Noah sucked in a breath at that. He steadied himself and looked at Luke, really _looked_ at him for a change, caught by those eyes just like he always had been. For the first time in months, it seemed, he saw himself reflected back. That part of him that lived in Luke now, the part he'd never worried about giving up, because Luke would be right there with him.

And now they were worlds apart emotionally, and about to be half a continent apart physically.

Noah took a deep breath. If he was ever going to say it, it had to be now. After this, he might never have another chance, and even if he did, he might never have the guts to take it.

"I always assumed," he started, "that when I moved to LA ... that I'd ask you to go with me."

Luke's eyes shone back at him, wide and wet, more open than they'd been since before Noah's accident. "I always assumed that when you asked me ... I'd say yes."

Noah's heart surged to life in his chest. He didn't want to feel it. He couldn't stand it. But he clung to Luke's words, the first glimmer of hope he'd had in months.

"Well, then ... I'm asking." He forced the words out through the lump clogging his throat. "I want you to come with me. I still ... I want you with me, Luke. That's all I've ever wanted."

He saw the shutters drop down across Luke's eyes, and his heart fell flat into his stomach. "I ... I can't, Noah." Noah knew the words were coming before Luke said them. "I can't leave right now. I have responsibilities here, things I have to ..." He paused. "I have my family, the foundation, and the neuro wing ..."

"And Reid." The words felt like shards of glass over Noah's vocal cords. He kept his gaze on Luke, unable to look away, waiting for the nod he knew was coming.

"And Reid." Luke was silent for a moment. "Look, Noah—"

"Is it serious?" Noah knew it was none of his damn business, but he asked anyway.

Luke looked halfway between annoyed and dumbfounded. "I—yes." He nodded, never looking away from Noah's face, which is how Noah could tell he wasn't as sure about it as his words made him sound. "It is."

Noah nodded too. "Maybe you should ask him about that," he spat out. "Maybe you should be sure whatever it is you're feeling isn't one sided."

Luke's face seemed to fold up, confusion nearly eclipsed by anger. "You—what do you think you're doing, Noah?" His voice got softer, not louder, a sure sign that he was inches away from an explosion. "You don't want me, but you don't want anyone _else_ to have me either?"

Noah rolled his eyes. "I just asked you to go to LA with me, Luke," he pointed out. "You think I'd do that if I didn't want you?"

Luke seemed to deflate a little. "I don't know," he murmured, swiping one hand across his eyes. "I can't ... I don't know."

Noah nodded and stepped back. "I have a meeting to go to," he said. Not able to resist a parting shot, he smirked. "Tell Reid I said go to hell."

He pushed his way past Luke and out the door, tuning out everything around him. He didn't want to hear another word, not from Luke, not from anyone. It was the only way he would ever keep it together.

~~~~

Luke had no clue what all that was about. Being cryptic wasn't usually Noah's style. Circumspect, maybe, but Luke felt like he'd just heard half a conversation. In a language he didn't speak.

He shook his head as he walked through Old Town. He hadn't seen Reid in almost two days, not since their aborted date. Reid had been in surgery all day the day before, so Luke hadn't bothered him. Today he had clinic hours and would be off at three. Luke had sent him a quick text asking him to call when he was free so they could talk.

Talking was not what Luke had in mind. Not any more, anyway.

His short conversation with Noah had only served to strengthen his resolve. He still cared about Noah. He probably always would. He couldn't promise Reid that he wouldn't think of Noah at all when they had sex.

But he'd decided there was only one way to find out for sure.

~~~~

Reid considered Luke's text. They did need to talk, but Reid wasn't really convinced talk would do the trick. Instead of calling Luke, he called Katie.

Ten minutes later, satisfied that Katie would be out tonight, he replied to Luke's text, inviting him over for pizza and baseball.

He didn't actually plan to order any pizza. At least, not until later. Much, much later, if he had anything to say about it.

They'd tried talking Noah out of their relationship. Maybe the only thing that would work would be to fuck him out of it.

~~~~

Luke had planned to talk. He had. But he'd barely made it through the doorway before Reid was kissing him, hard and deep, like in the alley outside Yo's two nights earlier. Like the first time they'd kissed for real, desperate and wet and clawing.

Then, it had all been about Noah. This time, it was again. Not about forgetting him, but about moving past him, about learning a new man's touch, the imprint of his mouth and his fingers on Luke's skin.

Noah was still there. Luke was starting to believe he always would be. But Reid was there too, his tongue in Luke's mouth, his hands unbuttoning Luke's shirt, unbuckling his belt, baring Luke's body in stages, feeling his way across new territory. Luke pushed at Reid's clothes, nipped at Reid's lips, pulled Reid down on top of him on the sofa, both of them still half dressed, hands too busy exploring to get each other naked.

When Reid's hand wrapped around Luke's cock for the first time, he moaned into Reid's mouth, unable to hold back. It had been so long since he'd felt any touch other than his own, and Reid's felt so different. His fingers were strong and sure, stroking along Luke's length from base to tip, and Luke shoved aside the fleeting thought that he didn't twist his wrist the way Luke liked it. It felt fucking good anyway, and he could always teach Reid later.

 _But Noah just knew_ , that nagging voice in the back of his head said, and Luke groaned louder to drown it out.

He reached for Reid, but Reid grabbed his hands and pulled them down to his sides, pinning them to the cushions underneath him. Luke whimpered and arched his hips, dying to have that touch on him again, but Reid just leaned forward and caught his gaze.

"Say my name."

Luke stared at him, mouth hanging open, breaths coming out in harsh gasps.

"Say my name," Reid demanded again, fingers tightening around Luke's wrists.

Before Luke could answer, before he could even remember the name he was supposed to be saying, the door flew open behind them, and Luke instinctively yanked his legs up and rolled toward the back of the sofa, trying to cover himself up.

~~~~

"Oh _fuck_."

Reid let Luke go, tugging at the throw on the back of the sofa and pulling it down to be sure Luke's crotch was covered, at least. He sat up, still half straddling Luke where he lay curled against the cushions.

"No, actually," he replied to Katie's exclamation. "But not for lack of trying."

"Shit." Katie clapped her hand over her mouth but then moved it to her eyes instead. "I am so sorry, guys. I didn't realize you meant ... shit. Um." She parted two fingers just far enough to peer at Reid. "You do know you have a bedroom, right?"

Reid sighed and shifted to sit on the edge of the sofa, trying to ignore Luke as he wiggled against him, obviously trying to get his clothes put back together. "Yeah," Reid said, voice dry as bone. "Just hadn't quite gotten that far yet."

Katie whirled around on her heel. "I'll just ... I'll go," she said. "I can ... I'll go to Margo's."

Reid was up and across the room in a second, ignoring his halfway unbuttoned shirt. "Katie, what happened?" She was visibly agitated, and he didn't think it was from what she'd just walked in on. Or not entirely, at least.

Katie didn't move for a second, but then she turned back to face him, eyes skimming briefly over his bare chest before meeting his gaze. "Chris is lying to me," she said in a flat voice. "And he won't tell me what's going on."

Reid knew what was coming before it happened. He also knew there was no stopping it. "I'm gonna get going," Luke said, rolling to his feet, still smoothing down his clothes, not quite looking at either of them. "You need to ... you two talk, and I'll just ... I'll go."

Katie opened her mouth, probably to apologize again, but Reid held up a hand and tilted his head toward the hallway that led to the bedrooms. Katie nodded silently and headed that direction, and Reid turned back to face Luke. Luke's face was still flushed with arousal, his hair mussed from Reid's hands and the sofa, and Reid wanted nothing more than to push him right back down on the sofa or drag him down the hallway and finish what they'd started.

It wasn't going to happen now.

"I swear," he said, stepping up to within an inch of Luke, watching his pupils widen. "One day very, very soon, I am going to get you into a locked room with a giant bed and not let you out for a week."

Luke lifted an eyebrow. "And it'll get hit by a tornado or something equally ridiculous, I'm sure," he said. He surprised Reid by kissing him, quick and hard. "I'll see you soon."

He was gone before Reid could think of anything to say to that. He sighed and ran a hand over his face, headed for the kitchen and the coffee machine. He had a feeling his conversation with Katie was going to require several pots.

~~~~

From the moment Noah unlocked the doors at 6 the next morning, Java was insanely busy. He and BJ ran around like crazy, a steady stream of customers with complex orders keeping them on their toes. It was after 7 before things slowed down enough for either them to so much as stand still for two seconds.

Noah was doing just that, rubbing a hand over his eyes where a headache was just starting to form as BJ finished serving the last customer in line. As the bell rang over the door to let in a fresh wave of caffeine-craving masses, something inside of Noah snapped and he couldn't breathe. He had no idea what had happened. Nothing seemed to be off. He felt fine, or as fine as he ever did these days, but suddenly he needed to be anywhere but behind that counter.

"I gotta ... I'll be right back." He didn't wait for BJ to answer, just dropped his rag behind the counter and headed down the hall toward the restroom. He thought for a second he'd just splash some water on his face, but his legs carried him all the way to the back door and into the alley outside before giving way. He sank onto the small stoop, folding in half, arms wrapping around his stomach, which felt like it was trying to claw its way right through his skin.

Darkness filled his mind. He felt like pain itself, agony deeper than he'd experienced since his accident. He couldn't fight it, had to just let it roll over him.

He heard footsteps, and his head snapped up.

He'd thought he couldn’t possibly feel any worse.

He'd been wrong.

Luke stared down at him in the thin light, every second they looked at each other like another shard of glass slicing into Noah's soul. He had no idea how long they stayed frozen there, a tableau of pain and regret, but then Luke was moving, grabbing him, pushing him into the wall, and Luke was kissing him, and _oh God_ everything that had died inside Noah exploded back into existence, love and lust and hope racing through his body and mind, and he could breathe again, even with Luke's lips fused to his, not an inch of space for oxygen or anything but Luke, Luke's tongue in his mouth, Luke's body against his, Luke's leg between his, pushing, thrusting ...

... and his body remembered this, even as his mind shied away.

Everything faded into darkness, the alley and the dim light and Luke, and somewhere deep inside him, the body changed, and the hands changed, and the mouth changed, and everything burst through and out of him, and—

"Fuck, _Reid_."

~~~~

He didn't ... he couldn't ... Luke's mind wouldn't process it.

Noah had just come in his arms for the first time in nearly a year, and he'd done it with someone else's name on his lips. And not just anyone else.

 _Reid_.

Luke fell against the wall, legs almost giving out under him. His head spun. It had been automatic, he knew. Noah hadn't called out Reid's name to spite Luke, or piss him off. He'd been so far gone that he wouldn't have been able to do it if he'd tried. And suddenly Luke wondered if maybe the weirdness with Reid hadn't just been about Chris. Noah's words to him at Java the day before came back to him.

 _Maybe you should be sure whatever it is you're feeling isn't one sided._

His stomach roiled, and he lurched to the side, shoving the lid off one of the heavy plastic trash bins sitting nearby. The smell only made things worse, and he retched painfully, bringing up only bile and acid, burning his mouth as he spit into the can.

He lifted his head, and his gaze landed on Noah, who'd curled back onto the stoop, halfway on his side, shivering in the dampness.

For the first time since they'd met, Luke felt a surge of pure hatred run through him as he looked at Noah. It stunned him. Even with everything that had happened between them, he'd never once hated Noah. Hated his actions, sometimes, but never _him_.

It shook Luke to his core.

What had they done to each other? And how the hell were they ever going to get out of this mess?

Luke couldn't be there any longer. He pushed away from the can, stumbling down the alley the way he'd come. He didn't know where he was going, but he had to get away from Noah. Had to get away before he did something that would finish destroying them both.

If nothing else, maybe he could save Noah.

~~~~

Noah saw Luke leave and didn't try to stop him. There was nothing to say. He couldn't try to explain it, even if he could speak at all, which didn't seem to be likely any time soon.

He knew he needed to get back to work. Jesse was supposed to be in at 7:30, but he was nearly always late when he had and early morning shift, and BJ was probably going crazy in there by himself. But Noah's body didn't seem to be working right.

He concentrated, and with what seemed like entirely too much effort, he pushed himself up to sit. The wetness inside his boxers felt disgusting against his skin, and he knew he'd probably have a spot on his jeans before he managed to get cleaned up. He rarely wore the aprons that were kept in the back room, but he'd need one today.

Slowly, painfully, he managed to get to his feet, brain shifting into autopilot, compartmentalizing everything that wasn't essential to get him through the rest of his shift. It was a finely tuned defense mechanism, one he'd been using so long that he couldn't even remember when it started. He could think of only a handful of moments in his life when he hadn't needed it, when he'd been able to open up everything inside him, and all of them were since he met Luke.

That thought went into the lockbox with all the others.

He shoved his way back through the door into Java, ducking into the men's room to wipe away the evidence of his body's treachery. He pointedly refused to even glance at the mirror as he washed his hands thoroughly, ripping off a length of paper towel and rubbing it over his skin until it was not just dry but pink and raw. He wet another piece of towel in cold water and ran it over his face.

He paused on his way up front only long enough to tie on an apron, scrape a hand through his hair, and plaster on a blank expression.

If anyone asked what happened to him, he'd blame it on morning sickness.

~~~~

Reid rubbed his fingers over his eyes as he waited for the coffee to finish brewing. His conversation with Katie last night had turned out to be shorter than he'd expected, since he'd managed to keep her off the trail, but he'd still had trouble sleeping. He had some kind of consult on a new case at 9, it was after 8 already, and there was no way he was going to the hospital and dealing with that incompetent band of idiots uncaffeinated.

He jumped when the front door opened, spinning on one heel to find Katie walking in. She looked dead on her feet. _A lot like her boyfriend_ , Reid's brain offered up.

Sometimes Reid hated that thing.

"Hey," Reid ventured. He felt like he was stepping into a minefield. He didn't even know she'd gone out so early, or why.

"I can't—" Katie looked at him. "I can't deal with you right now. I just found out something and … I just can't deal with anything."

Reid immediately knew what she'd found out. He stepped forward. "You know about Chris."

Her head shot up, her eyes wide. "You … you knew?"

Reid nodded, slowly. He expected her to be angry. He didn't expect her to try to beat him up.

She was pounding on him with both fists before he could react. "We just talked about this last night, and you didn't _tell me_?" she demanded. "How could you know and not tell me? How could Chris tell _you_ and not _me_?" She hit him again. "Damn you, Reid!"

His defense mechanisms kicked in automatically. "Hey, beat me up if you want, but watch the hands."

Katie stepped back, glaring at him. "You think this is funny?" she demanded. "You've known for, what, _weeks_ that Chris is sick, and you've been lying to me all that time, and you're making _jokes_?" She flung out one arm, pointing toward the door. "Get the hell out."

Reid sighed and longed for the coffee he could smell just feet behind him. "Katie, I don't think this is funny at all," he said. "I'm just—I'm really not good at this kind of thing, especially when somebody that I care about is involved."

Katie crossed her arms over her chest. "You don't care about Chris."

 _Yeah, I do, because I'm an idiot_ , he thought, _but that's not what I mean_. "I'm talking about you, Bonehead," he said. "You and the drool machine of a kid. You've grown on me." _Like a fungus_.

Katie stared at him for another long moment and then seemed to back down a little. "Is it as bad as he says it is? I mean, could he die? And just tell me the truth, please."

Reid hesitated. "It all—it boils down to muscle damage, how extensive that is," he said. "But yeah, Katie. If it's bad enough, he could die."

He was ready when she fell forward, and he held her while she cried.

~~~~

By the time Noah's shift was over, he'd decided he'd finally run the entire gamut of human emotion. He couldn't think of a single word to describe any kind of feeling that he hadn't experienced, and most of them within the past few days. When all was said and done, though, the only thing left was emptiness. He felt hollow, like he'd been gutted and stripped from the inside out, leaving only a shell of a person behind.

He barely remembered getting home from work. The apartment was empty when he got there just after 2, and he went through the motions of making a peanut butter sandwich but ate only three bites before he gave up. He took a bottle of water into the bedroom and stripped down, changing into clean boxers and curling up on his side on the bed, staring at the wall.

He didn't know how long he lay there. He heard Ali come in, but she didn't knock, probably thinking he might be napping. He heard her on the phone, heard the warm tone her voice took on with very few people, prime among them these days being Casey Hughes.

Noah tried to find it in himself to be happy for them. They'd been able to work through a hell of a lot to find their way back to each other. Including cheating.

Noah sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't cheat on Luke. Luke didn't cheat on him.

 _But you helped Reid cheat on Luke_ , that nagging voice in his head told him. _And now Luke knows it_.

Noah knew it was over. Any chance he might have had of winning Luke back had gone out the window the second he'd said Reid's name in the alley that morning. If he was lucky, Luke wouldn't end up hating him for the rest of their lives.

What would happen with Luke and Reid was anyone's guess.

Noah tried not to care, but some small part of him, the bit that was left inside his shell, still wanted Luke to be happy. And thanks to Noah and Reid and their damned idiotic behavior, Luke's whole world had been ripped apart.

Noah's head ached, but he wouldn't let himself go in search of painkillers. He deserved the pain. He even welcomed it.

It was better than feeling numb.

~~~~

Reid frowned at his phone. He'd been trying to call Luke ever since he and Katie had gotten to the hospital. John Dixon had started running tests on Chris, and Reid had been more than happy to let him have it. Give him a brain to slice into any day. At least those patients were usually unconscious.

He tried Luke one more time, getting voicemail again. He was ending the call and thinking about calling him at the house when Bob Hughes walked up.

"Dr. Oliver, have you seen Luke Snyder?" Bob was frowning. "He was due at a board meeting an hour ago, but no one seems to have seen him."

Reid glanced at the phone still in his hand. "I've been trying to call him and not getting answer," he said. "We had ... I was thinking he might want to get lunch and talk about something."

"I'll call Lily," Bob said. "Maybe she's seen him."

Reid nodded absently as Bob walked away. He glanced over toward the door to the room where Chris and Katie were waiting for his test results, then down the hall toward the exit. Chris was in good hands. They could spare him for a while.

He didn't really know where to look. He didn't actually know all that much about Luke and his habits, now that he considered it. But he figured starting in Old Town would be a good enough start.

~~~~

Noah apparently did doze off at some point, because the knock on the door woke him. He blinked away the sleep and pushed unsteadily up to sit. "Yeah?"

Ali pushed the door open a few inches. "Noah, phone's for you," she said. "He said you weren't answering your cell."

Noah glanced at his phone on the bedside table. "Must have forgotten to turn the ringer back on after work," he mumbled, rubbing at his forehead, even though the headache was gone. "Who is it?"

Ali hesitated, biting her lip. "It's Reid," she said finally.

Noah stared. "Why the hell would I want to talk to him?" he said. "We have absolutely nothing to say to each other."

"I know," Ali said. "But he said it's important, and I can only really think of one reason he'd be calling you."

The light went on. "Something happened with Luke."

Ali nodded, and Noah stood up and reached for the phone, which she handed over without a word. Noah lifted it to his ear, steeling himself for the worst. "What's wrong?"

"Have you seen Luke?" Reid's voice was clipped and urgent and Noah didn't want to be here. Not on the phone with Reid, not in Oakdale, hell, not on this planet.

"Of course not," he ground out. "He's not my boyfriend any more."

"Don't lie to me!"

Noah blinked at Reid's outburst. The good doctor might be many things, but emotional wasn't usually on the list. It made Noah believe that there might actually be reason to be concerned.

"I'm not lying," he insisted. "I haven't seen Luke since ... I ran into him this morning." _Yeah, you could say that_. "Around 7."

Reid's let out a loud breath that told Noah he believed him. "Luke's missing," Reid said. "No one else has seen him all day. He missed two meetings at the hospital today, and his car's gone. No one has any idea where to even start looking for him."

And just like that, Noah didn't feel hollow any more. He wished he did. Because all the empty places had filled in with fear.

He knew Luke. He knew the dangers that lurked under the surface of his psyche. He'd seen and heard his reaction to what happened that morning. And all Noah could see were images of Luke passed out somewhere, empty bottle of vodka in his hand, lying in a pool of his own vomit. Killing himself because of Noah. Again.

He didn't know what he did with the phone, but he had his feet shoved in his shoes and was almost to the door when Ali grabbed him and pressed his cell phone into his hand.

"Keep it turned on this time," she said. Noah nodded his thanks and headed out into the night.

~~~~

Noah opened the door from the patio onto one of his worst nightmares.

Lily sat on the end of the sofa, eyes wet, Holden standing next to her with a hand on her shoulder. They might not be on the best of terms, but Noah knew they would always be a united front when it came to the safety of their children.

Reid was pacing behind the sofa, but he stopped when Noah walked in. He looked expectant, like he thought Noah would have found Luke in the fifteen or so minutes it had taken him to get from his apartment to Lily's house, but Noah just ignored him and looked at Holden instead.

"Noah," Holden said, in that calm, reassuring voice that always filled Noah with warmth. "Thanks for coming."

Noah nodded as he pushed the door closed behind him. "No one's heard anything?"

Lily had jumped up by then. "No, nothing," she said, trembling. Noah knew Lily in a lot of the same ways he knew Luke, and he knew one of the biggest things Luke had inherited from his mother was her emotional nature. Lily could be a rock sometimes, but other times, all she could do was fall apart.

"I can't imagine where he is," Lily was saying. "He hasn't disappeared like this in so long, Noah. Not since ... the last time was ..." She turned to Holden. "Oh, God, should we be checking the bars? Has anyone been to Yo's or Metro?"

Noah couldn't hear it. Everything his own mind had already conjured up had been bad enough. He turned and walked back outside without another word.

The patio lights were out, just the small one next to the door burning, and Noah wasn't paying attention, which he realized when his leg hit the table sitting near the arbor. He froze as a wave of memory crashed over him. Running into the table, dropping his cane, Luke coming out of the house, the two of them arguing, and then ... ending it. The one thing they'd never done before, through all the problems and arguments and time outs in their relationship.

Luke's voice rang in his ears. _And six months from now? After you have your surgery and you're better? What about then?_

"He's never going to get over you."

Noah spun on his heel to face Reid, the last person he wanted to deal with right now. But he had to. For Luke's sake.

"He's sure doing a pretty good job of acting like it," Noah shot back. He crossed his arms over his chest and pretended to ignore the way Reid's gaze raked over him. Reid seemed to catch himself, though, and he looked back up into Noah's eyes instead.

"He's in love with you," Reid said in a mild tone. He crossed his own arms, mirroring Noah's pose. "He might not want to be. You hurt him pretty damn badly. He thinks he wants to move on. But he's lying to himself."

Noah looked away. "It doesn't matter," he said. "It's over. We blew it." His voice dropped to a whisper. " _I_ blew it."

"Maybe." Reid moved closer, and Noah tried not to flinch. "And maybe not. All I can tell you is that as hard as I try, I'm not breaking through that wall. And maybe it's because I'm not the right person to do it, I don't know. I'm not exactly a hearts-and-flowers kind of guy."

Noah had to snort out a laugh at that and looked back up to see a smirk on Reid's face. "There's the understatement of the century."

Reid agreed silently, with a tilt of his head. "Look. I'm not a quitter. I don't like losing. But I don't get off on hurting people either, no matter what you might think. If Luke's still in love with you, and I think he is, then he should have you." He lifted an eyebrow. "Assuming you're still in love with him."

Noah felt himself nodding without conscious thought. "I am," he croaked out. "I never stopped loving him for a second."

Reid nodded. "And that's the thing. Any time Luke's with me, some part of him thinks he's cheating on you. Every time I touch him, I know he's thinking about you."

Noah's mind flashed to early that morning. "And then I was with him and what came out was your name."

Reid jerked. "What?"

Noah hadn't thought. Of course Reid didn't know what had happened between Luke and Noah. "I ..." He hesitated. It wasn't his place to tell the story. But Luke wasn't there, and Reid had pretty much just handed him over to Noah anyway. And Reid needed to know, because that's what probably set Luke off in the first place.

"This morning," he said, stumbling for the words. "When we ran into each other at Java. We ... it was like it was with us. I mean, you and me. And when I ... I said your name."

He didn't need to fill in the blanks. Reid knew what he meant. "And Luke reacted just about as well as you'd expect."

Noah nodded. His knees felt weak, so he reached for the chair next to him, lowering himself into his gingerly.

"We almost had sex last night." Noah's head jerked up. Reid's face was as blank as he'd ever seen it. "I think we were both trying to get you out from between us. I know I was. I don't know if it would've mattered." He shrugged. "But Katie came in, and he left."

Noah's mind whirled. "You ... you haven't slept together?"

Reid snorted out a semblance of a laugh. "Not for lack of trying on my part," he said dryly. "Something always got in the way. And more often than not, that something was you."

Noah didn't know what to think. "I just ... I assumed ..."

"You assumed wrong." Reid pulled out the chair across from Noah and dropped into it. "So here we all are. Everyone getting their rocks off except the two that are supposed to be the actual couple in this scenario. Is it me, or are we all just pretty well screwed up?"

Noah couldn't help laughing at that. It wasn't a happy sound. "That seems to be par for the course around here," he said. "If it's drama, it must be Oakdale."

Reid leaned forward, forearms on his thighs, and rubbed the flats of his palms together. "I'm not making Luke's decision for him," he said. "But you two have got to straighten this out before I'll go any further. I'm not stupid enough to fall in love with someone like Luke Snyder unless I'm sure it's going to be about me and him. And not about you."

Noah's eyes fell shut. "He deserves better than me."

"Maybe," Reid acknowledged, inclining his head slightly. "But you seem to be what he wants."

They were silent for a few long moments, until Noah heard Reid's chair shift and he reopened his eyes. "So what now?" Reid asked. "Is there some protocol for Snyder crises I should know about? Do we call out the search dogs? Snyder family phone tree? Put out an APB? Call in Oakdale's Finest?"

And just like that, Noah knew where Luke was. He was on his feet and across the patio before Reid called out to stop him. "Hey!" Noah turned to look at Reid. "Where the hell are you going?"

"To get Luke," Noah shot back. "Tell Lily and Holden I'll call when I find him."

 _When_. As he jogged around the house toward his truck, Noah hoped he'd chosen the right word.

~~~~

The river was soothing somehow.

Luke stared out across the water, the sound of the current settling a calm deep inside him. He didn't know how long he'd been there, but it was dark enough that he could no longer see the water, except a flash in the headlights when the occasional car passed by.

All of that was in the background. Luke had turned so far inward he barely registered anything beyond his own skin. Even the pain in his chest and the pounding of his head were only distant irritations.

He knew now, no matter how much he'd tried to deny it and move on, that he was still in love with Noah. And it hurt like hell. He and Noah had done so much to each other, sometimes on purpose, that he didn't want to feel it any more. He didn't want to _care_ so much.

 _Love hurts_ , he thought, never understanding the cliché as much as he did in that moment.

He was so tired of hurting.

It had taken him three tries to restart his car outside the liquor store and drive away. He'd sat there for a good twenty minutes, fighting with himself, the phantom burn of vodka in his throat, the memory of blissful oblivion so close.

He'd gotten as far away from temptation as he could, as quickly as he could. The keys were locked in the car where he'd left it just down the road. He might end up walking back to town, but he'd be doing it sober.

Luke let his head drop to his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs. He shuddered, body throbbing from the memory of Reid's hands on him the night before, Noah's body against his that morning. He wished he could fall for Reid. Really fall for him, leave Noah behind, walk away from the pain and the heartache.

But under all that was the memory of how good things could be. How happy they'd been, so in love, so completely in sync. Luke and Noah against the world. _Starsky and Hutch_ , he thought, bringing up a ghost of a smile.

He wanted to have that again. So much. So _fucking_ much. But every way he turned, he seemed to run into another dead end.

Reid was difficult in his own way. Brusque, sarcastic, severely lacking in basic people skills. But Luke had uncovered his softer side, the gentle way he could touch him sometimes, the inside jokes and shared smiles. The truth that he really did care about his patients, carrying around photographs of the cases where he'd failed as reminders. Even the risks he took for Chris, trying to help him without giving away his secret.

Part of Luke really did want to love him. But he couldn't. His heart wasn't his to give any more.

Luke shivered and curled up tighter. The night had turned cooler than he'd expected, a soft breeze ruffling his hair, and after another few minutes, something wet hit the back of his neck, drawing him out of his spinning thoughts. He looked up, and another drop hit his cheek, and another.

Soon a light pattering of rain was falling all around him, dampening his hair, droplets sliding down his neck and under the edge of his shirt. He didn't really care. Wet or dry didn't matter. He couldn't go back yet. Not until he was sure he could face Noah and Reid and the rest of the town without falling apart. Without blowing apart everyone and everything in his life.

He'd had more than enough of picking up the pieces.

A warm hand on his upper back made him jump, and his head shot up to stare at the person who'd squatted down next to him.

Noah.

~~~~

The rain started when Noah was about a half mile away. He slowed and peered out through the darkness, searching for Luke's car, or maybe even Luke himself. When he saw the Vibe sitting off on the shoulder, he breathed out for what felt like the first time since he'd gotten Reid's call.

Carefully, Noah maneuvered the truck off the road and parked before grabbing the flashlight he'd pulled from his glove compartment. He climbed out into the rain and walked up to the car, shining the light through the windows. The car was empty, unsurprisingly, and when he tried the handle, it was locked. He could see the keys hanging from the ignition.

He didn't like the way any of this looked.

He walked further along the road, the bridge just a few hundred yards away. His stomach clenched at the thought of what he might find there, and just as much at the thought that he might find nothing. He didn't really know what had made him think of the bridge on Old Mill Road, but he had as soon as Reid had mentioned the police, and he knew that's where Luke had gone, just as surely as if Luke had told him directly.

The bridge loomed ahead in the darkness, the metal girders rising up on either side. Noah strode over to the edge on the right and shone his flashlight down onto the rocks below, where Elwood's body had lain after his fall. Relief surged through him when he saw nothing there. No sign of Luke, and no sign of blood. The rain hadn't been falling long enough or heavily enough to wash anything like that away.

He crossed to the left side of the bridge, where instead of a sharp fall onto rocks, the ground simply sloped steeply away from the road and down to the edge of the river. Through the trees, at the very edge of the beam from his flashlight, Noah could see a figure huddled in the grass near the water, dark and solitary in the night.

Noah didn't hesitate. He scrambled over the railing almost as if it wasn't there and was by Luke's side in seconds.

~~~~

Luke scrambled to get to his feet, trying to get away from Noah, but his legs wouldn't cooperate. Noah caught him before he could fall and lowered him carefully back into the wet grass, arms still around him, holding him close.

Luke couldn't breathe.

He pushed away, and Noah let him go. "What ... how did you find me?" His voice burned in his throat, and he thought again of vodka.

Noah shrugged. "I don't know," he said. "I just knew where you were."

Luke really wasn't surprised. Wasn't that exactly what he'd been thinking about for days? How totally attuned to each other he and Noah had been before it all fell apart?

"You shouldn't be here," he rasped, curling back up like he'd been a few minutes earlier. "It's not ... you shouldn't be here."

"But I'm here." Noah was matter of fact. "And I'm not leaving you here alone, so you might as well get use to it."

"I didn't ask for this!" Luke was almost surprised to hear the words rip out of his mouth. "I didn't want you here! You shouldn't be ... it hurts." He gasped for breath. "It hurts so _fucking_ much and I can't stand it, I can't be—"

Noah's arms were around him again, and Luke didn't fight it this time. "I can't do this any more," he said, voice barely a whisper. "I don't know how to do this."

"It's okay," Noah murmured into his hair. "You don't have to do this any more. Not if you don't want to."

"Why did you hurt me, Noah?" Luke knew he was whining, but he couldn't stop. "You didn't need me. You wouldn't let me help you. And it hurt _so much_. It was all my fault and you were right to blame me but I loved you and I couldn't stand to see you in so much pain and you wouldn't let me back in."

"Shhhh." Noah was rocking him now. "It's okay, Luke. It wasn't your fault. And I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to. But you—" He paused. "You hurt me too."

Luke shoved him away again. "I … what did I do?" he asked. His heart pounded and his stomach clenched. "I just wanted to help you."

Noah was so calm. Too calm. "You never understood what I was going through," he said. "And some of that was my fault. I wasn't good at trying to tell you. But you're treating it like it was just about you when I was the one who was blind. You said you'd be with me no matter what, for _everything_ , and you broke up with me. And if you don't think that _fucking_ hurt—"

He cut himself off, biting down on his lip, and shook his head. "I didn't come here to fight," he said. "It's ..." He almost laughed, looking out at the river. "It's water under the bridge. I just wanted you to know that no matter what you think ..." He turned back to face Luke, looking into his eyes. "You aren't alone."

Luke stared at Noah. He could see his pain reflected back from deep within Noah's eyes, so blue and so perfect, and for once, it didn't make him feel worse. It made him feel loved. If Noah didn't care, he wouldn't be hurting. It wouldn't matter.

But it _did_ matter. And somehow that cut through everything and gave Luke back the one thing he'd lost.

Hope.

When he surged forward, he poured every shred of it he could muster into his kiss.

~~~~

Noah rocked backward with the force of Luke propelling himself into his arms. Despite the heady mix of shock and the sudden blast of arousal that poured through him, he managed to wrap his arms around Luke and kiss him back.

They were desperate, clinging, clawing, biting, rolling over the grass, fighting for dominance. When Noah finally got his knees under him, pants and underwear shoved down around their ankles, and ground his cock against Luke's, the noise Luke made almost set Noah off right there.

He wiped his hand across Luke's shirt where it was rucked up under his arms, then spit into his palm and slicked himself up as well as he could. It wasn't going to be easy, and it was probably going to hurt, but they both needed this. After everything, they just needed to feel each other.

They just needed to _feel_.

Luke fumbled with his pants one-handed, pushing them further down, finally managing to get everything off one leg so he could wrap it around the back of Noah's thighs and pull him in closer. "Oh God, fuck me," Luke demanded, and Noah complied, pushing inside, slow but steady. Luke grimaced but pushed back against him, one hand on Noah's ass and the other buried in his hair. Luke's mouth fell open as Noah bottomed out inside him, and he let out another groan that shot sparks along all of Noah's nerve endings.

"Fuck me!" Luke was almost yelling now, and Noah drew back and plunged in deep. Luke gasped and arched his back, fingernails scraping Noah's ass and scalp, and Noah kept moving, thrusting in hard and fast, giving them both what they wanted. Claiming what was his, and knowing Luke was claiming him right back.

He was so close, so fast, and he knew Luke was right there with him. Noah shifted his angle just enough that he knew he was hitting Luke's prostate every time, and he bent his head to bite at Luke's earlobe.

"Say my name," he growled, and Luke moaned in response. "Say my name, Luke," and Luke did, yelling it out into the night as he came, the feel of him pulling Noah's orgasm out of him.

They collapsed together onto the grass, wet and sated, trembling and sore, hearts beating out the same rhythm.

~~~~

Luke set down what he hoped would be the last of it. He'd sorted and discarded and stored and given away so much stuff over the past few days that if he never saw another cardboard box the rest of his life, it would be too soon.

He sat on the edge of the mattress and looked around his room. He'd lived here most of his life, and it had always felt like home, but something had shifted inside him. While it still felt familiar, comfortable, it no longer felt like where he belonged.

He still ached inside. Nothing had been easy the past few weeks. Dealing with Noah, dealing with Reid, dealing with his own demons. Sorting out everything they'd done and said and been to each other. But he was winning. Gradually, day by day, he kept pulling ahead. And finally, he felt like he could move up a level.

He knew what he needed to do next.

A light tap on the doorframe drew his attention, and he smiled when he saw his dad standing there. "Safe to come in?"

Luke laughed as he stood up. "Yeah, you just managed to miss the last of the work." He nodded toward the stack of boxes sitting next to the wall.

"Darn." Holden snapped his fingers in mock regret. He leaned against edge of the bare desk, crossing his arms over his chest and one leg over the other. "You sure about this, Luke?"

Luke nodded. "Yeah," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I know it's sudden. And I know it's not going to be easy. But it'll be worth it."

Holden nodded. "I'm glad," he said. "And yeah. I think it's worth it. Even when it's hard."

Luke grinned. "Not dragging personal experience into it, are you? 'Cause that may not be a road you want to travel right now."

"Point," Holden conceded with a tilt of his head.

"Hey." Luke took a step forward, serious now. "I'm happy for you, really. I hope you and Mom can work things out. I know you still love each other."

Holden lifted an eyebrow. "I could say the same thing to you," he said. He gave a half smile. "And thanks, Luke. That does mean a lot coming from you. I know we haven't always made things easy for you."

Luke shrugged. "Guess I've finally grown up a little," he said. "No more biting your heads off about it, maybe?"

Holden dropped his head forward and grinned. "Somehow I don't think that's going to be any kind of guarantee."

Before Luke could protest, his phone rang, and he grabbed for it, smiling as he saw the name that came up. "Hey," he said. "You on the way?"

"Be there in a few."

~~~~

"Here's the prescription for the migraines, but don't take it unless you really need it."

Noah nodded. His last doctor's appointment before leaving Oakdale for LA. Somehow everything he did now got marked down in his mind as the last time. Last coffee from Java that morning. Last burger at Al's last night. He knew he'd be back at some point, but right now, everything just seemed so final.

He didn't want to think about his last goodbye with Luke later, even though he was absolutely sure now that it wouldn't be the end.

"Stay away from aspirin, keep the alcohol to a minimum, get enough sleep, and avoid stress as much as you can." Noah refocused on the instructions he was being given. "I know that last one won't be easy, all things considered ..."

Noah grinned and nodded. "Yeah, I think it might be a little inevitable sometimes," he said. "You do know who my boyfriend is."

Reid cracked a grin back at him. "Yeah, you could say that."

Noah watched as Reid finished making a note on the chart he held and folded it closed. After their talk the night Luke went missing, they'd seemed to reach a truce. Luke had broken things off with Reid the next day, amicably, and Noah had scheduled one last doctor's appointment with Reid, instead of the replacement he'd planned to see.

The migraines, thankfully, seemed to just be migraines. Complex migraine with aura, Reid had pronounced, which, combined with stress, likely explained the other symptoms like anxiety and panic Noah had dealt with. Reid said Noah might always have them, but they'd die down as Noah's brain finished healing. They already had just in the weeks since Luke's disappearance.

Reid reached into his pocket. "This is the name and number of that doctor in LA I told you about," he said, holding out another slip of paper. "You should see him in a month, before that if the headaches keep up. He's the best."

"Other than you," Noah interjected, putting the paper into his shirt pocket with the prescription.

"Other than me, of course." Reid smiled again, and Noah laughed.

"Wow, two smiles in five minutes? What's come over you, Doctor Oliver?"

Reid shrugged one shoulder. "Thought I'd try something new," he said mildly. "If nothing else, maybe it'll freak people out."

Still smiling, Noah slid off the table and held out a hand for Reid to shake. Reid hesitated only for a moment before he took it.

"Take care, Reid," Noah said. "And talk to Chris." Reid's eyes widened. "Yeah, Luke told me about it. We've been doing a lot of air clearing. And I know Chris is recovering from the transplant, and he and Katie are together, but if all this has taught me anything, it's that you need to talk about things like that. Get it put to bed for good."

Reid rolled his eyes. "So to speak."

Noah laughed again. He'd been doing that a lot more lately. "Anyway, thanks," he said, giving Reid's hand one more squeeze before dropping it. "Everything else aside, you've been a great doctor, and you gave me back something I thought I'd never get."

Reid raised an eyebrow. "Maybe more than one thing."

Noah smiled at that too. "Maybe so."

~~~~

Lily smiled up at Noah as she opened the door. "Noah, I'm so glad you're here." She hugged him, and Noah hugged her back automatically. "Come on in," she said. "Everyone's been waiting for you."

"Noah!" Natalie barreled into Noah's hip, and he bent to wrap one arm around her as Ethan ran up to his other side. He gave him a one-armed hug too, smiling across the room at Faith, who was being much more restrained, firmly entrenched in cool-teenager mode.

"Noah." Noah straightened up as Holden approached, and he held out his hand. Holden looked at it and took it but rolled his eyes, using his other arm to pull Noah into a brief embrace. Noah caught Lily's gaze over Holden's shoulder and felt himself blush.

Pulling back, Noah glanced around. "Much as I appreciate seeing all of you—and I really, really do," he said, "there seems to be one rather important Snyder missing."

Lily nodded, still smiling. "He's upstairs," she said. "Go on up."

Noah bit his lip and grinned before heading for the stairs. He was down the hallway in a few long strides and turned the corner into the doorway of Luke's room, where Luke sat calmly on the side of the perfectly made up bed. Noah's eyes tracked over the stack of boxes and the two large suitcases sitting next to the desk. His gaze zeroed back on Luke, who had a small smile dancing around the edges of his mouth.

"Luke," Noah said, walking toward him slowly, trying not to hope. "What's all this about?"

Luke grabbed his hand and pulled him down to sit next to him. "It's about this," he said, leaning in to kiss Noah thoroughly. Noah closed his eyes and opened his mouth, falling into Luke's kiss just like he always had. They'd only kissed a few times since the bridge, and they hadn't done any more than that, holding off while they tried to work through their problems. But Luke's lips still fit against his perfectly, and his heart and mind ached as he thought again about how close he'd come to never having this again.

Luke drew back and Noah opened his eyes slowly to meet Luke's gaze. He was still smiling, but Noah could see the uncertainty lurking under the surface. "I had two possible goodbyes in mind," Luke said. "The first was to kick everyone out the house and relive a certain notable afternoon that happened right on this very spot."

Noah smiled. "I kind of like that plan," he said, sliding a hand onto Luke's thigh. Luke's smile widened, but he laid his hand over Noah's, stilling it.

"I thought of something better, though," Luke said. Noah raised an eyebrow in question, and Luke's expression turned serious.

"I'm coming to LA with you," he said. "That is, if the invitation is still open."

Noah wasn't sure he heard right. "You want to come with me?"

Luke nodded. "I know we still have a lot to work out," he said. "I know it's not going to be easy. I know we aren't finished healing. But I don't want to put things off. I want to start working on it now. Together. If you still want me."

Noah did the only thing he could in response. He kissed Luke so hard their teeth clacked together. Luke laughed into the kiss, and Noah did too. "You know," he said against Luke's mouth, barely getting the words out between kisses. "The only thing more perfect than this would've been if you'd combined your two amazing ideas."

Luke pulled back and grinned. "Great minds really do think alike," he said, eyes dark and open. "Trust me. The family was under strict orders to get the hell out of Dodge the second you headed upstairs."

Noah wrapped both arms around Luke and pulled him halfway into his lap, plastering his lips to the side of Luke's neck, drawing a deep moan out of Luke's throat. "Well, then," he said, the words muffled against Luke's skin. "Let's get busy recreating history."


End file.
